I have two favorite hot bloggers. Today, I woo them both with poems from the depths of my loins. Both are at the top, so I am putting them in alphabetical order.
My two favorite hot bloggers are Dave II and Karl. Running in third place is Shiny, but alas, he’s married.
Ode to Dave II
Your prose stirs my ho-ho in the most profound way
As I fantasize you and a roll in the hay.
Your totally hot body is one I adore
And maybe if I’m lucky can do a little more.
I envy your travels from here to Milan
And I’d like to slip a piece of my ear in your carry-on.
Oh you that I stalk I just can’t get no rest
As I Google you constantly to find your address.
With which I would Fedex the letters I write
About you and your hair every day and all night.
You play the transsexual at parties on Halloween
And you pull it off well with your staff and a sheep.
So you’d better take seriously my feelings for you
Or I’ll have to kill you at night with a pretty dull spoon.
Ode to Karl
Oh Karl your sarcastic wit I adore
Even though you’d do anything including a whore.
You’re certainly cheeky and truly profound
As I crave for each word that you think and write down.
Though you say Hilly is just a good friend
I would beat her up slowly if that were pretend.
Although Florida is where you choose to reside
I would chuck it all in to kill lizards by your side.
You’ve never been willing to post yourself naked
But I hold great hope that you’ll do this when wasted.
Lust holds a very dear place in my heart
And I’d rather be she-male than us be apart.
Although I stalk Dave I just want you to know
That I secretly would rather take you than that ‘ho.
13 responses so far ↓
1 Karl // Apr 18, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Wow, you have phenomenal taste. I’m a little scared to stay with you now. I’ll have to sweep the place for bugs and cameras.
Karl’s last blog post..Kicking Ass and Taking Names
2 Hilly // Apr 18, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Meep.
I’ll be hiding my friendship with BOTH of these guys so as not to get beat up slowly!
Hilly’s last blog post..Snackie Radio: Two Weeks In A Row?
3 Dave2 // Apr 18, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Wait a second… did you just call me a ho?
I know I should be totally outraged and stuff… but it’s so true!
4 Penelope // Apr 19, 2008 at 12:09 am
Genius!! I’m snorting here and it’s not an attractive look!
Penelope’s last blog post..Friday festivities!
5 Winter // Apr 19, 2008 at 1:30 am
Oh, that was priceless. I’m laughing too hard. I’ll prolly get a hernia now, but oh, was it worth it!
Winter’s last blog post..Why Vampires? - A Contest
6 DutchBitch // Apr 19, 2008 at 2:29 am
Wow your odes rock!!! I am sure you will have no problem getting both of those men as notches on your belt!!! Karl should give you a bottle of “Phallus” for a present! And maybe Dave can send you one of his kidney stones… You know, for a personal touch…
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Dutch-A-Pimpin?: Shelli’s Sentiments
7 Absurdist // Apr 19, 2008 at 6:52 am
Karl:
Yeah. Bring your metal detector. You’ll look awesomely cool.
Hilly:
Don’t worry. The only thing I can do to people is sit on them.
Dave2:
Kinda goes along with calling you a pussy, doesn’t it?
Penelope:
Thanks! I snort too at people’s blogs. I call it “snort-worthy”…
Winter:
Thanks! Frankly, on most of my posts, I get constipation.
DutchBitch:
OOO. If Dave sends me one of his kidney stones, I am going to have it mounted on a necklace and wear it everywhere!
8 Robin // Apr 19, 2008 at 7:08 am
What about my hot body? Is it that I don’t have a penis?
Robin’s last blog post..Setbacks
9 whall // Apr 19, 2008 at 7:16 am
Ok, I already had high expectations (since I know you can write) and even I was taken by surprise at the quality.
whall’s last blog post..Amazing Guitar Hero resources I’ve found
10 Rxvenomqueen // Apr 19, 2008 at 7:52 am
Holy schneikees! Those are some odes! Unlike any I’ve ever heard before! I had a good belly laugh!
11 metalmom // Apr 19, 2008 at 8:39 am
You mean I’m not the special one?
You have excellent taste in men!
metalmom’s last blog post..Crisis Averted
12 Absurdist // Apr 19, 2008 at 11:32 am
Robin:
I would have to create a post called “Ode to the hot bloggers I would go gay for” and that is just too damned long a title.
Wayne:
Thanks! I struggled with this one. I don’t rhyme well.
Shiny (Female):
Thanks girl!
MM:
either that, or I am desperate!
13 hello haha narf // Apr 21, 2008 at 10:05 am
well done!
*claps*
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Calling All Opinions
Come on man. You know you want to say something!