Mr. Fabulous here. I’m in charge now. You won’t be seeing Chelle anymore. Well…I guess you could see her, but you would have to demolish my new shed and jackhammer through the concrete foundation to find her. And the conversation would be pretty one-sided.
I warned her. I told her that she needed to find a new name for this blog and a new blogging handle for herself. The Absurdist? Bitch, please. There is only one Absurdist around here, and that’s me.
There is nothing absurd about this blog. Chelle mostly writes about her life. Her life isn’t absurd. She’s smart, she’s successful, she’s got some nice dogs, she has a great rack…she’s pretty normal, actually. Sure, she’s got some anger issues, and she squirts all over the place, but all in all the chick is pretty middle of the road, you know what I mean?
Now me? I play with a little clay Jesus. I do video PSAs on middle school sodomy. I do naked hot tub videos. I drink food coloring. I wear costumes. I daydream constantly. I dance in my car. I play with bunnies. I sing showtunes in the morning. I let the girls at work give me makeovers. I write on the bottoms of my feet. I do most of my radio shows topless. I adopt accents for no reason at all. I am obsessed with karaoke. I wish I was gay. I drink hot sauce. I dress up as Zombie Elvis and sing to neighborhood children on Halloween. And on and on and on.
I’m the Absurdist, damn it! My whole life is absurd!
And that is why she had to die.
30 responses so far ↓
1 Pointless Drivel » Blog Archive » You want my advice? // Feb 18, 2008 at 12:32 am
[…] by the way, I have a new blog. […]
2 bluepaintred // Feb 18, 2008 at 1:35 am
can I consider this your confession?
3 Mr. Fabulous // Feb 18, 2008 at 4:34 am
Blue–You’re next
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..You want my advice?
4 Ladybug Crossing // Feb 18, 2008 at 6:09 am
ROTFL…
Oh, Fab! You’re absurd!
Now, go get Chelle and bring her back… That’s a good Fabby.
xo
LBC
5 Topncal // Feb 18, 2008 at 6:10 am
Can you really be Fabulous and Absurd at the same time… I think not.
Topncal’s last blog post..I Almost Ruined Your Life Like You Ruined Mine
6 Mel-O-Drama // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:20 am
Pinky: Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?
The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the [blog] world.
Mel-O-Drama’s last blog post..yawn…
7 Absurdist // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:23 am
You know, you are right. I used to write absurd things when no one read my blog. I quit doing that some time ago, mostly due to laziness because of lack of time for reasearch.
But I have some absurd crap from long ago. Even a ten to fifteen page document you can download on healthcare and comparisons to other countries.
So, go back and read some of my archives when only Wayne read my blog and no one else would comment except my dad. He stopped reading my blog when I got a bit out there… I don’t blame him… The last thing he wants to read about is his daughter’s sexual escapades…
8 Wayne // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:55 am
So maybe fabsurdist.com is available?
Or mrabsurdulous.com?
Or maybe just Clay Achin’
Wayne’s last blog post..Give a little bit?
9 Robin // Feb 18, 2008 at 9:19 am
You are right Fab, there is nobody more absurd than you. I will give you that.
Robin’s last blog post..The Last Day
10 Turnbaby // Feb 18, 2008 at 10:31 am
I think it’s absurd that you would even ask this question.
Ooooo I love Wayne’s suggestion–The Fabsurdist!
Turnbaby’s last blog post..TurnbabyTalks Trivia Throwdown
11 Mr. Fabulous // Feb 18, 2008 at 10:43 am
DAMN IT! Chelle, you ruined everything by commenting. I bet everyone really thought you were dead!
Gosh!
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..You want my advice?
12 Al // Feb 18, 2008 at 10:53 am
So, do you put on your Absurdist costume when you come over here?
You know, the one with all the leather and lace.
Al’s last blog post..Film At Eleven
13 Hilly // Feb 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm
“I play with a little clay Jesus”
Made me snort loudly!
Hilly’s last blog post..Blogger Of The Month: February Is For Bad-Ass Beyotches!
14 the108 // Feb 18, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I just want to watch the two of you have sex.
15 On a Limb with Claudia // Feb 18, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Was it a bloody coup? Did you just declare your hostile take over? Or are you dancing in the streets until the (read: Serbs) come and kick your ass? Inquiring minds want to know!
On a Limb with Claudia’s last blog post..Hrm?.
16 Absurdist // Feb 18, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Kyra:
Fat chance on the sex thing. Married men make crappy sex partners.
17 Tug // Feb 18, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I did your radio show topless. damn. We forgot to mention that. How ’bout next week everyone in the chat room must be topless, too? With webcams?
Tug’s last blog post..I’m a thief!
18 Absurdist // Feb 18, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Wait. Maybe she meant Fab and his little clay jesus having sex.
Better get more clay for the penis. .5 cm isn’t going to cut it.
19 hellohahanarf // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:43 pm
is it me? i swear i put on deodorant. how come just when i find abs blog and get all into her, she disappears? damn. well, at least we have fabby…and an archive of sexcapades to explore. yum!
20 hellohahanarf // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:45 pm
how about mel-o-drama might be the only one around here to know that my hello haha narf comes from pinky and the brain?!??!! way to pull the what are we gonna do tonight out, mel!
21 hellohahanarf // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:50 pm
dammit, i have a gravitar and i logged in and all. why won’t that fucker show up?
22 Absurdist // Feb 18, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I refreshed the cache. How long ago did you create the gravatar?
It can take a couple of days. I had problems with mine, Christine had problems with hers… Wayne fixed Christine’s…
23 hellohahanarf // Feb 18, 2008 at 9:00 pm
i created it a while ago. jester, avi and britt’s sites all see it. i don’t know what’s wrong with it here. hmmmmmmmmm.
that’s ok…i still love your site.
24 laughingattheslut // Feb 19, 2008 at 7:25 am
Hello,
I love Pinky and the Brain.
We will do whatever he says. Whatever he says.
Narf.
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Monday Morons: Just a few things that annoyed me this week
25 Absurdist // Feb 19, 2008 at 7:32 am
BPR: I hope so. Can we track him down and kill him now?
LBC: Aren’t you glad I am back?
Top: Thank you for defending me.
Wayne: I was thinking AbFab…
Robin: Thanks for the support…
Mel: I LOVE Pinky and the Brain!
Turnbaby: Thanks for the support!
Fab: Would you please get a gravatar already?
Al: No, the absurdist costume is a gimp outfit only. With whips and chains.
Hilly: I liked that one too.
Kyra: See my replies.
Claudia: Yes, it was a coup. Avi, Britt and Fab got together and decided that I was wayyyy too popular for them, so they had me taken out. Didn’t you know that Fab knows people who know people?
Hello: Yup, PATB… yup. I have tried like hell to fix your gravatar, so I am waiting to hear from wayne as to how he fixed Christine’s gravatar. Sorry about that. It happened to me for weeks on Wayne’s site!
Slut: Ditto!
26 metalmom // Feb 19, 2008 at 2:53 pm
But where can we find a duck and a rubber hose at this time of night??
Fab-Go away you attention hog!!! I want Chelle!!! (All over me!)
metalmom’s last blog post..How Did I Miss It?
27 hellohahanarf // Feb 19, 2008 at 3:01 pm
mm just cracked me up. remember when pinky hollered “DUNGAREES!”
28 hellohahanarf // Feb 19, 2008 at 3:03 pm
(it was when they were in the jungle)
29 Absurdist // Feb 19, 2008 at 4:45 pm
MM: Thank you very much! I want you all over me too. But in a platonic way… Maybe some “socratic methods?” The real absurdist will be coming back at you live next Monday. I am going to go back to my true intent with this blog, as much as I can.
Hello: I am going to have to see that episode!
30 The Absurdist » The Bitch is Back // Feb 23, 2008 at 6:07 am
[…] Monday, there was Fab. He had the audacity to challenge my absurdity status. […]
Come on man. You know you want to say something!