Some of you have expressed interest in what happened with the scammer “Edward”. I wasn’t ready to tell the story until now, because of shame and humiliation. But, I am now ready. So here goes.
I was a member of Chemistry.com, an offshoot of Match.com. I was impressed with the “test” that you take, because it nailed me right on. After a couple of months, I wasn’t getting anyone that was remotely interested in me. I was about to kill off my subscription, but someone showed interest in me; Edward.
Edward “lives” in Fort Worth, which is very close to me. Edward is a widower, his wife died in a car accident. He has a ten year old daughter. He is finishing up a petro-geology project in Aberdeen, Scotland. This is viable, because my grandfather was VP of Operations for North Sea Sun Oil Company, and worked out of Aberdeen almost exclusively when he wasn’t traveling all over the world, including Africa.
Edward has a phone for me to call. He calls me. We talk online all the time. He has “verifiable” employment as a freelancer petro-geologist on this project in Aberdeen. He is two weeks from returning home to Fort Worth. We spend a good hour or so online talking to each other, playing yahoo games, etc. He shares lots of pictures with me, videos, etc. For all intents and purposes, during the beginning of our friendship, he appears to be the real deal.
Edward finds out he has to go to Africa for a two day stint to check up on the project. No big deal. My grandfather used to have to do that constantly. So, he takes off for Africa, texts me and calls me when he gets there to tell me he is safe, regardless of the fact that I begged him not to go to Africa because of the unrest and problems with Europeans and Americans down there. But he is contractually obligated to go. At this point too, they are two weeks behind on the project, which is not unrealistic. So four weeks to go before he comes home to Fort Worth. I have shitloads of points and marriott points, and I haven’t had a vacation in years. I always wanted to see Scotland, so we make plans for me to come visit when he returns. No big deal; I would have wanted to see Scotland anyway regardless of him being there, and I haven’t had a real vacation in ten years.
Two days after being in Africa, he is mugged. Not surprising. His documents have been stolen. Not unrealistic. Visa and passport are stolen. He has an assistant in Aberdeen that helps him. I called this “assistant” and spoke with him. I verified his existence, just to be sure. I did do my due diligence. “Emergency” passports and visas are expensive; more than I thought, which really, after research, is the truth that they aren’t that expensive. No consulate for the Netherlands in Africa, so assistant handles the Visa and Passport. It takes seven calendar days to get Visa and Passport. Not unrealistic.
When he was attacked, he was stabbed in the leg above the knee. Not unrealistic. He was in St. Joseph Hospital in Cotonou, Benin. At this point, I am still not wary, because all appears to be believable. Surgery is necessary to repair his leg, and I received a number to call the hospital to talk to his doctor, Dr. Dolemo. I spoke with Dr. Dolemo, who was well-versed in medicine and in Edward’s condition and the surgery. I spoke to him for about ten minutes, getting the details.
Edward wasn’t eating, because the food was “weird”. He asks me to send him some money so he can buy some regular type food that is edible for him. I send him a little bit of money for food. Seemed reasonable.
I am then informed that in the Republic of Benin, credit cards are not accepted, and he has no money as it was all stolen. He needs money for surgery. I recommend that he call the company he is freelancing with, since they need him for the project, and they can advance him the money. He says that they cannot do that. I recommend calling the Red Cross and the Consulate to get assistance. He says that is not an option. Here is where I begin to get suspicious, but am not completely convinced, because he continues to call me, provides me verifiable references, etc. I attempt to contact his assistant, but do not receive a response. I get more concerned about this situation.
He asks me to cash advance my credit cards to pay for his surgery and hospital stay, and that he will pay me back in two weeks or so when he returns to Fort Worth. I explain to him that I have no money to give him, and that I can’t cash advance my credit cards. He remains persistent, providing additional “proof” that he is not a scammer. I mean, he even had the right accent. It was really hard to believe this guy could be a scammer, particularly because of my grandfather’s work in the oil industry.
I continue to refuse to send him money and to work with his company. He continues to “befriend” me, I guess in hopes that if I become emotionally attached, I will finally give in and send him money. I finally tell him that I have nothing to offer him except friendship. He can either take it or leave it. That I was sorry he was in this predicament but there is nothing I can do to help him except be supportive. He gets angry at me (as he has done in the past) and starts yelling at me.
It is at this point that I decide to research scammers. I find the “online dating” scam, which is different than the check cashing scam. These guys will spend up to a year talking to women to attempt to defraud them. The money is always sent via Western Union or Moneygram, and is almost always sent to Nigeria or Republic of Benin, which is where Edward is. It is purely an African scam.
I confront Edward on this, and he yells at me, attempting to prove to me that he is not a scammer, and has no idea what I am talking about. At this point, there is nothing that will convince me otherwise. So I start getting really sarcastic with him and really, really mean. He asks me what kind of proof do I need to believe him. I told him to send me his resume immediately (I mean, what kind of professional doesn’t have a resume ready to go on a moment’s notice), American references that I can call, statement of work for his engagement with this oil company in Aberdeen, and pictures of himself in the hospital. I start asking all kinds of questions regarding things that just aren’t adding up. He has stupid answers, and of course, I don’t believe him.
Next day, he is so desperate that he begs me to help him. He says that whatever I want, he will get. I tell him that, regardless of what he sends me, I have no money to give. He is aware of my financial situation, and knows that I will be out of my house in a matter of weeks; but he continues to persist. So I play along and mock him and am mean to him. Ten minutes later, he asks me to play a yahoo game with him. WTF? So he decides he just wants to be my friend.
I know at this point I will not hear from him again. But, before he never contacts me again, he tells me “Remember; I know where you live, I know all your contact information, and you better watch out.”
So, I am scared that night. I sleep with my double-edged knife and all the lights on. Thank god for the dogs. They bark if a gnat farts. But I don’t get sleep. I am also completely depressed that I was taken by this man; the only man that showed remote interest in me after months on chemistry.com. I am ashamed, I feel stupid, and I feel humiliated that I sent him any money at all.
He contacts me again, and tells me that he is going back to Scotland (this past tuesday) and do I want to come to Scotland to meet him to see that he is real? I am like, yeah, whatever you mother-fucker.
And that is the last I heard from him.
So, that’s the story. Except that I reported him to a lot of databases out there that report on African scammers. They change their names all the time, but one of the major ones had 35 pages of scammers of just white african males. They had about 8 different categories, and this one was 35 pages long, just with the entry name.
So, that’s how I got scammed. Think what you want; think I am stupid. I don’t care. It is what it is.
25 responses so far ↓
1 Absurdist // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:25 am
Ooops. I talked to him for one to two hours every day.
That, and he knew Forth worth and the Dallas area like the back of his hand.
2 Rocketstar // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:26 am
Wow, what a story! The fact that IF he was on a business trip, flying all over the globe, his employer would have taken care of everything.
I am so glad you were not duped out of $. As I was reading it I was thinking, no, no,no don’t send him any $.
It is quite a good little scam, I bet it works sometimes. Wow.
3 Absurdist // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:33 am
Rocket:
Yeah, I know what it’s like to freelance though. You are responsible for your own. But I am with you; ANY company he is freelancing with would have gotten him out of that jam in a jiffy.
You’d be surprised how often it works. When I did my research, there were thousands upon thousands of women who had been defrauded. That isn’t even how many men had been defrauded by women!
4 Robin // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:41 am
I don’t know why you think this makes you look stupid, from reading this you were skeptical at the right time and really took action. I wouldn’t have known all the information you knew, it’s a good thing you knew the questions to ask him. You are way fucking tough and I’m certainly never going to fuck with you.
Robin’s last blog post..Sugar Rush
5 Tug // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:45 am
I’ve got to agree with Robin here - I don’t see you as stupid at ALL. Scammers are damn good at their game - online and in person, & you didn’t go for it. I’m sorry this happened to you, but so glad you were smart about it!
Tug’s last blog post..Buy me a cup of coffee?*
6 DutchBitch // Apr 4, 2008 at 8:51 am
OMFG I am speechless… Well, no, I am never speechless but ya know… figure of speech(less)…
You are NOT stupid. In fact, I think you did the smartest thing you could’ve done: you remained realistic and sceptical and there was nothing gullible about you and that is exactly what saved you from this motherfucker!
Yay for you!!!
DutchBitch’s last blog post..The Bare Nekkid Pool Facts
7 Msbatman // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:33 am
I don’t think you’re stupid at all. You asked all the right questions, and he provided you with verifiable information. What he said checked out, was logical, and rang true. You know that you’re not the only one. You won’t be the last one.
Chalk it up to a learning experience, and yes, your pride is a bit bruised.. I think you’re much harder on yourself than anyone else would ever think of being.
Msbatman’s last blog post..January 08, 2004
8 Kyra Sutra // Apr 4, 2008 at 9:45 am
Jesus! Are you serious? You think anyone could call you stupid over this? Hon, these people are MASTERS at the game. Talking to his “doctor”? I would have been duped, too… only I probably wouldn’t ever have found out!
That’s insanity that they are so friggin’ thorough! I am shocked. I know that there are some real shitfucks out there but, man, that’s just… diabolical!
DO NOT FEEL BAD… I actually think you caught on pretty fast. Man, was he convincing!
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..Happiness Meets Heartache.
9 Crys // Apr 4, 2008 at 10:05 am
wow, really? because i think you come off as REALLY smart. you’d have been gullible had you sent him the money he wanted for surgery. but money for food? i find that wholly reasonable and understandable.
i think you did WELL. i wish all women would be so discerning and intelligent!
10 Avitable // Apr 4, 2008 at 10:12 am
You made it sound like you got scammed out of money from this guy. Getting duped into liking him based on the persona he had created doesn’t make you stupid. If you had advanced your credit cards and sent him cash, that would have been stupid.
Avitable’s last blog post..Merciful Minerva
11 Shiny // Apr 4, 2008 at 10:24 am
I hate to jump on the bandwagon here, but this does not make you stupid. In fact, you were smart to think critically about all of the facts presented to you. You asked for verification and received it. You analyzed your interactions and gave him a green light because everything seemed to check out.
What would have been stupid is knowing that certain things didn’t make sense yet proceeding without caution because you want him to like you. That’s not what happened here, but I imagine it happens with many others without the confidence in their own smarts.
I’m glad it stopped where it did. I have a friend who brought over a woman and her six year old daughter from Moscow to the United States — someone whom he met online and with whom he fell in love. Everything seemed legit — even when he visited her. They got married — I was at the reception and everything seemed picture perfect. It was all a bit quick for all us, but hey — Dan was happy. That’s what mattered.
A few months later she accused him of physical abuse. And had emptied out a substantial amount of savings. And took his car. It cost Dan a lot of money in legal fees, insurance, lost property, etc. But it really crushed him more that he was able to open up and let his guard down to someone who had an ulterior motive all along.
We had no idea. Neither did Dan. And neither did you. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need not beat yourself up about this.
Shiny’s last blog post..I Want My $10!
12 Poppy // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:01 am
Now I understand why Dawg thought I was going to chop him up into little pieces when we met in real life.
Apparently the world is really scary and stuff.
I’m not sure at this point I would trust anyone who didn’t have their life resume (a blog, dating back at least a year) for me to read. And even then I’m skeptical about people until I feel them out in person.
13 Absurdist // Apr 4, 2008 at 11:55 am
Robin:
I think it was more “hope springs eternal” that someone was actually interested in me after all these years. the “checking out” stuff was more out of curiosity and just happened to come my way by asking questions because I was interested in his life. So I wasn’t really intending to be suspicious up front.
Tug:
Thanks girl. I feel so violated.
DB:
I wish I could say I am not gullible, but in fact, I am. In this particular case, luck was on my side. I wasn’t desperate, but I was just so excited that someone was interested in me. It was all fine till he got “attacked” in africa. God, it’s so realistic.
MsBatMan:
Thanks, I do appreciate it. It’s not just my pride that’s bruised. It’s the fact that I was vulnerable with this guy, and begged him not to hurt me. I told him that I had such a hard time being vulnerable, and I was giving it one last shot. That’s what hurts the most; that and the only guy that has been remotely interested in me in years is a scammer, who wasn’t interested in me at all.
Kyra:
Yeah, the whole talking to his doctor, his assistant, etc was what really threw me off. I just couldn’t believe that it could be a real scam when I had so many people to talk to.
Crys:
Thanks for thinking I am smart, but I’ll be honest with you. I am book smart; I have no common sense. I just lucked out about this guy.
Avi:
It’s much more about the female ego and self-esteem than anything else. Had he bilked me out of 30k, the main pain would still be the violation, the vulnerability issue, and the trust issue. I have major issues with men as it is, and it’s a huge blow to my self-esteem that the only man interested in me is a con artist.
Shiny:
That is TERRIBLE! I read a bunch on the scams that men are being taken for, but that takes the cake. God, I am so sorry for him. That is just awful!!!
14 DutchBitch // Apr 4, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Hon? Had you been gullible, he would’ve been able to totally fuck you over… And he wasn’t as you saw through him in time.
DutchBitch’s last blog post..TGIF
15 bluepaintred // Apr 4, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Sorry. I don’t think you are stupid at all. He had a lot of background proof to say he was who he is, and in the end you did not fall for his prank.
He’s the one who is stupid
bluepaintred’s last blog post..uhm
16 Winter // Apr 4, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I was skeptical when I heard some of the dets about this guy from you in the chatroom. However, that was only because a girlfriend of mine in IN had had a similar scam tried on her by a guy from e-Harmony. This guy even admitted to her at the end that he does these scams for a living and has hit every online dating service there is out there. She was very taken with him at first because of his British uppercrust accent and all the proof he sent her. He even sent her lavish gifts at her office. Two dozen roses, Godiva chocolates…
It’s a very sad thing and I feel bad for those women who have lost $ to these creeps. I’m so happy you figured him out before something more than your pride was bruised. Luckily, my friend did too. It does leave you with a horrid taste of failure and gullibility in your mouth. My friend was upset about this thing with “Stephen” for some months. Then I introduced her to a guy from my horse racing sim. Things are going well for her now. Heh.
Don’t beat yourself up. These guys are professionals and you beat him by figuring it out! Good for you!
Winter’s last blog post..Yes! I am Crazy! Guest Bloggers
17 Absurdist // Apr 4, 2008 at 4:28 pm
DB: Thank god. Despite my best efforts, I got lucky.
BPR: Right on.
Winter: I guess I need to join this horse racing sim. You keep talking about all these awesome guys. You gotta hook me up.
18 laughingattheslut // Apr 4, 2008 at 6:32 pm
I don’t think you’re stupid. I wouldn’t have even known what to ask the guy like you did. And that poor woman on the news last month didn’t take most of a year but just a couple of months before she announced that she was engaged to marry some man she’d never even met and then was cheated out of like twenty thousand dollars.
With all the the time and effort and even sometimes money for gifts that these people put into these scams you’d think that they could just go to school and get regular jobs and such.
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..And today sucks too
19 Winter // Apr 4, 2008 at 7:53 pm
It’s horse racing… the ratio of girls to boys is like 1000/1. We’ll have to talk so I can start scoping out the ranks for you.
Winter’s last blog post..Yes! I am Crazy! Guest Bloggers
20 Winter // Apr 4, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Make that boys to girls, 1000/1. Ach. I’m tired and in pain. I even had guest bloggers. LOL
Winter’s last blog post..Yes! I am Crazy! Guest Bloggers
21 dmarks // Apr 5, 2008 at 5:13 am
I always blame the crook 100%, and the victim 0%. I’d not heard of this scam before . I wonder if it is Nigerians again. It’s awful, but not surprising, I guess, that the scammers can haunt the online match sites.
What Winter said: “I’m so happy you figured him out before something more than your pride was bruised”: you did win out in the end. Maybe that can be something to be proud of.
dmarks’s last blog post..Christine Baranski Friday - Miscelaneous Stuff
22 Absurdist // Apr 5, 2008 at 7:03 am
Slut:
I heard about that. Maybe you told me? Not sure. That is so sad. I will tell you that this guy talked about marriage, and one of the sure-fire signs of a scam is when they start using terms of endearment constantly. He did that, and from the get-go I thought it was really really weird. Unusual. It’s so they don’t get their women confused. It’s really creepy.
Winter:
email me girl. It actually sounds like fun! absurdist@theabsurdist.net
Dmarks:
Thank you. That’s a really nice thing to say. It’s so sad isn’t it? It is a Nigerian scam, but they have employed people from all over Europe now to do it too. The money goes to either Nigeria or Republic of Benin. I don’t know how the money is distributed, but I gotta tell you, I am morbidly interested in how it all works.
23 Mel-O-Drama // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:23 am
This doesn’t make you stupid, Chelle. It makes you human. You cared enough to try and then got smart. You’re a good person. Just remember that.
Mel-O-Drama’s last blog post..stolen goods
24 adena // Apr 5, 2008 at 10:33 am
WOW!
Almost this exact same thing just happened to a friend of mine. Only this guy lived in London, and was on work in Nigeria…and they were talking when he heard “shots” outside his hotel room, and people busting in doors. Then she lost connection with him, and got extremely scared.
A while later, the guy’s “doctor” called her…said the guy had been shot, and he needed money for a blood transfusion.
There is where she got suspicious.
Yeah….same scam, different details. You’re not the only one.
I can’t believe how horrible people can be!!
adena’s last blog post..Bored, Ver. 2.1
25 Karl // Apr 6, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I agree with most all the other comments here. NOT stupid. SMART.
The part, I’m sure, that makes you FEEL stupid is that you were duped into investing your time and emotions into this asshole. That is not stupidity, babe, that’s just you being you…a good woman who is earnestly looking for someone in her life.
I’ve been duped a few times, too, though not anywhere close to the extent you detail here. It hurts. It SHOULD hurt. People can be assholes.
And people can be fantastic. You’re a smart gal, Chelle, there’s no debating that. And any guy worth having would be THRILLED to have a chance with you. I’m not just blowing sunshine up your skirt, either.
Karl’s last blog post..This is a Feed Test
Come on man. You know you want to say something!