So I get up this morning to a bunch of whining bullshit. And, of course, this is pre-coffee, but here are my thoughts.
Life is full of assholes and nice people. Life is shit, and life is good. At some point, you toughen your skin, because you have learned to live with the assholes and enjoy the nice people in your life. If you haven’t developed lizard skin by thirty, then you are in for a world of hurt.
Life is not fair. We have disease, war, famine, hurricanes, tornadoes and death. We have corporate, and yes, that deserves its own sentence. Maybe it’s happened to you. Count yourself lucky if it has not. At some point, it will.
People have opinions. People are going to say hurtful things. People are also going to say nice things. This is called life, people. I don’t care if you have MS, MPD, Bipolar, cancer, or if you are dying and have three days to live. THIS IS LIFE. Toughen up. Stop giving a shit what others’ think, except your own small group of trusted friends.
If your life, your perception of self and your internal barometer of fairness is based upon the words of the blog-o-sphere, it’s time to do some critical thinking about what’s important in your life. It’s time to wonder why the blog-o-sphere is so important, and what you are missing in the real world. It’s time to take a look and see why you are so sensitive. It’s time to take a look and see why you just can’t have an opinion that is different from someone else’s and get on with it.
Stop making excuses and get on with it. Toughen up. If you don’t like a particular person, stop reading their fucking blog. It’s THAT simple. Life is too short, and time is too precious to sit around and bitch and moan about something that isn’t going to change. Your time is much better spent figuring out why an external factor plays more into how you feel about yourself than your own internal sense of self, and why you feel the need to personalize what others say.
Toughen up. Be your own authority. Stop giving away your power to other people. Life is too short, and it’s just not fucking worth it.
13 responses so far ↓
1 whall // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:01 am
Ah, but there’s the Catch-22: if someone reads these words of yours, and follows your advice because they care about what you say, they still violate the principle while attempting to follow it.
In other news, how on earth have I fallen to 3rd in the top commenters?
whalls last blog post..Self-Evident
2 Absurdist // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:09 am
No, remember, I said to care about what your small circle of friends say and think. So that means that three people will care what I say. And that’s okay.
Remember, I am talking about caring what someone thinks or says ABOUT you; not about generalized life statements that have no specific intended audience.
And you are third because you suck and haven’t commented in awhile.
3 laughingatheslut // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:14 am
There are blogs I stopped reading because the writers took a break and when they can back I was just out of the habit of stopping by. And there are blogs that I stopped reading because I was spending too much of my time trying to think of funny comments. There are other bloggers that I just sort of drifted away from while other things were going on. I miss them a bit, but life did not come grinding to a halt. So I would think that stop reading a blog that actually makes you feel bad is a no brainer.
Seriously. Life will go on even if you stop listening to The Absurdist tell you you’re a terrible person cause you don’t tip enough. See?
And Chelle’s life will also go on if she doesn’t have to read about who whine all of the time. She can go read about people with real problems. She can go read about…Ender. Yes, that’s it. She can go read about Ender.
4 Robin // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:20 am
I do agree but sometimes we get into such a place in our lives where everything just hits us and our coping mechanisms are shot. I’ve been there and I think we all have. When we are so down in our own pit of frustration and pain that we can’t see the forest for the trees. Right in that space you sometimes lash out and lose focus. Am I making any sense?
5 Winter // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:35 am
I agree with you. However, there are people who don’t read a particular blog but will go there to post comments. This happens when someone has posted or said something that either asks people to go (usually for something nice) to that blog to comment or their circle of friends/readers feel the need to go be self righteous. Posting comments on someone’s blog and being nice is an admirable thing. If are going to a blog they don’t read, just to post angry and mean comments (without reading), I think those people need to read THIS post.
I look at some of this stuff and I just shake my head. I’m older than most of the people in the circle that I read so maybe that’s why it all seems so childish. Some people don’t moderate comments and don’t ever close comments. But when stuff gets really inflammatory, I often find myself weighing things. Would it be better to just close comments when nastiness happens? I mean, some of the comments you see across the blogosphere totally tell you what kind of people they are, be that good or filled with hypocrisy. I personally haven’t moderated or closed comments when someone said something nasty there. I tried not to rise to the bait either though.
It’s so unfortunate that adults can appear to have grown up in every place and way but one. Great post, Chelle!
6 dmarks // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:04 am
There were online places I used to frequent (a certain tech board comes to mind) where it was nothing but hate. I got sick of that, and when I found the blogosphere, I was pleasantly surprised at how amiable everyone is. I know there is a whole nasty section to the blogosphere (I can think of the political ones where everyone calls each other wing-nuts or moon-bats), but I pretty much avoid that.
I have a certain loyalty to the core of a few blogs that I first found or was told about, and when I read something, I like to try to think of a comment (even if small). But as happens over time, most of these have gone dormant. As for moderation, I haven’t felt a need to. I’ve avoided nasty people and apparently don’t attract them to my blog, but I have had a handful of spammers (once every couple of months). It would not take many nasty ones at all for me to turn moderation on.
7 whall // Jul 24, 2008 at 10:08 am
In other RELATED news, I was listening to utterz this morning. I follow an utterer called “zen alpha radio,” and there’s all sorts of random stuff. But something I’ve been turned onto recently due to their re-broadcasts of older audio is Alan Watts. I’d never heard of him before listening to random utterz and the guy is an expert interpreter of Eastern philosophies. I recommend giving his stuff a listen or two.
This morning’s monologue was about the Taoist Way and working with the grain. Basically, approach life without force. It’s not that you don’t cut wood; you cut with the grain. It’s not inaction per se; it’s the art of not using force through life. Conflict itslef is not bad - there is conflict a million times over within your body, with microorganisms fighting, and without it, you would not be healthy. There is conflict between bird and worm, but it suits nature. You can sharpen a knife through conflict between the edge and stone, but if you do it too much, it wears away the edge.
So to me, people who create conflict or fuel drama go against the grain. That is not healthy conflict.
8 Evil Genius // Jul 24, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I have a personal contract with myself - I don’t start shit, I don’t sling shit, I don’t get involved in shit, and I don’t give a shit. That pretty much covers it.
9 Absurdist // Jul 24, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Slut: Here here!
Robin: That’s when I take a break. Of course, me taking a break includes going into the cuckoo hospital.
Winter: Thanks for the comment. And I am guilty of rabble-rousing. but I think I am done with it. I really like to go to battle for my friends who have been unjustly harmed (like Robin), but I won’t attack people in the middle of a fight. I might understand one side over the other, but I won’t “attack” the second party.
DMarks: The only moderation I have is for a first time commenter. My wordpress has been freaky lately though, and some people go into moderation when they are regular posters. Wayne is “supposed” to be looking at that for me.
Wayne: Good point. But I still love going against the grain with you just to irritate you.
Evil: I really wish I could be that healthy. I just get so upset when a friend of mine is hurt, I mean REALLY hurt without warrant. I just want to go and kill someone for it. I have a really hard time in those situations, because I am fiercely loyal to my friends. My downfall, I guess.
10 Robin // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I usually try to step away from online but it’s hard when most of your friends are online.
11 Finn // Jul 25, 2008 at 9:56 am
I’m with Winter. And Evil Genius. I’m growing tired of people creating drama where none should exist. There’s enough real drama in life.
12 themuttprincess // Jul 31, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I agree.
Tough skin is a great thing to have.
(Then again I need mine to harden up a tad… I can be too sensitive!)
themuttprincesss last blog post..Dentist
13 Absurdist // Aug 1, 2008 at 6:57 am
Robin: You and me both. It really is hard.
Finn: No kidding, right? And I am guilty of playing into it. But only for Robin, because I love Robin to death, and no one should hurt anyone the way she was hurt. I didn’t stick up for some of the others because I know that they have no problem standing up for themselves. But Robin is sweet, wonderful and didn’t deserve a bit of it. If I had a lead pipe…
Princess: You know what? I am the same way. On the outside, I show this really tough chick that can handle anything. I have to for work. But inside, I still get hurt. I am really hard on myself.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!