Last night was the third night I have barely slept. I move in between typical “biploar dreams from hell” state to tossing and turning. My teeth hurt from the grinding all night long. I am tired. I am punchy. And no matter what I try in order to get some actual fucking sleep, nothing happens.
I consistently get up at 3:30 a.m. and have to tell the dogs, much to their lament, that they won’t be eating for another two hours. Then it’s two hours of barking, jumping up and down, blah blah bitching until the hallowed Science Diet CD is offered.
Precariously positioned between getting a job within the next two weeks and having to move home to live with my father, I am not a happy camper. To boot, my brother lives in a different city working in oil and gas, while my SIL and niece live at home. He needs furniture, and I have it. Sounds like a great deal, huh? Yeah, well, let’s say I make plans, and two days before he is supposed to show up, I get a job? This is a nightmare.
I think I could handle it if I just **knew** what was going to happen to me. Every day is a roller coaster of emotions (spanning humiliation of moving home at 35) to frustration, anger, and then attempts at meditation to deal with the issue.
I also spend a good amount of time “defending” myself to my friends regarding all that I am doing to try to find a job. I guess most people think I just sit on my ass and do nothing and lament the world. How far from the truth that is. So, apparently, my friends have a perception of me that needs to be radically altered. It pisses me off too that these people, who, supposedly know me so well, know my survival instict, and know my professional drive would even question that which I am doing on a daily basis for the last three fucking months to find a job. It’s easy to look over that perch when you HAVE a job. I know. I have been there.
One of my friends, who is married, is giving me all kinds of grief. I mean, I don’t think she could have torn me apart worse. Different thing; she had a husband that could carry her while she was looking for a job. Was it optimal for her? No. Was it stressful in their relationship? Yes. Was he supportive? Yes. Did she ever worry that she would have NO FOOD? No. Did she ration her food in the house out to one meal a day because more food can’t be afforded? No. I am appalled that someone in that situation would even have the balls to ream me over. I WISH I was married so that I had someone to emotionally support me during this difficult time, even if that’s the only thing I received.
On top of that, Mr. X got booted to the curb. I have been doing online dating since 1996, back in the good ‘ole Yahoo and AOL days. You can see how successful it is. Never in my life have I ever been conned, or almost conned. Seriously. I can’t tell you how violated I feel that I was at a “respectable” site, not like Match.com or anything, and I was picked specifically to potentially be conned out of shitloads of money. I can’t imagine if you can imagine how violated that makes me feel. Not just that, but the fact that I spent so much time talking to this individual and indeed building a rapport, only to find out that the whole situation was fake and was an attempt to con me out of money at some point in time. That was a big blow to my ego.
So, those are the two things I have been dealing with over the last four days or so. It’s been hard.
25 responses so far ↓
1 Shiny // Mar 26, 2008 at 8:08 am
For what it’s worth — I’m glad that this didn’t move from “potential con” to “con.” I have one friend who fell victim to someone whom he met online. Ended very financially nasty.
And I’ve been in that position of looking for a job and growing frustrated with not getting an offer. What you alluded to which is right on the mark is the feeling of not knowing. Impending doom, at times, feels worse than doom.
Not sure if this helps or not, but you’ve got folks to whom you don’t have to defend yourself. Just something to remember…
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2 Robin // Mar 26, 2008 at 8:22 am
Do you need to talk? I’m here. I was worried about that guy, I’m sorry he took you for a ride.
Robin’s last blog post..Questionable
3 Kyra (Savy) // Mar 26, 2008 at 8:55 am
I’m so sorry all that is going on right now. The job market is a nightmare. And that “friend” of yours need to be slapped upside the head.
Kyra (Savy)’s last blog post..Falling For Beauty
4 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 8:57 am
Thanks guys. I appreciate the support. yeah, I feel pretty low these days.
5 whall // Mar 26, 2008 at 11:04 am
If there’s something I know about you, it’s you’re capable and you have no lack of effort. So whoever is giving you the ‘you’re not trying’ speech doesn’t really know you.
Hopefully some of the leads I sent turns into something. I’ll get some more.
whall’s last blog post..Favorite Things: Blockbuster Online
6 Poppy // Mar 26, 2008 at 11:48 am
1. It is not shameful to live at home at 35. Stop telling yourself it is.
2. It is not your friends’ business if you have a job or not. Tell them to STFU.
3. Stop dating for now while your life is in such unrest (that is a suggestion, not an order).
4. Be cool, honey bunny, be cool.
7 Mr. Fabulous // Mar 26, 2008 at 11:53 am
Well I am ordering you to stop dating. First things first.
Men are stupid, anyway.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Interview with an Idiot
8 Epiphany // Mar 26, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I’m glad you did figure things out before it reached the financially damaging stage, even though it’s obviously emotionally damaging to face that kind of betrayal. The worst part is there will always be people who think you should have seen it coming because it was an online thing. Much like the job situation, it’s very easy to judge when you’re outside of it, but when it’s you personally it’s an entirely different matter.
People like that deserve to be kicked in the junk repeatedly.
That said, good luck with the job search WE all know you’re working hard at, and hang in there. *hugs*
9 Tug // Mar 26, 2008 at 12:22 pm
What they’ve all said… there is NOTHING wrong with moving back home to get back on your feet - although it’s not what you really want, it may give you a chance to relax a little & SLEEP. Life doesn’t go well if you’re not rested.
Online or not, there are con men (& women) out there…take what you can from the experience & learn, then move on - chin up!
Get out (is the weather good there?), make NEW FRIENDS (seriously, friends should be SUPPORTIVE)…take it one day at a time. MUCH LUCK!!
Tug’s last blog post..Wouldn’t it be FUN?
10 laughingattheslut // Mar 26, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Okay, I’m going to butt in here and say I need more details.
Was this one of those things where he says he’s stuck in Africa and he needs you to send him money or cash a check for him or what?
And what does ‘ “respectable” site, not like Match.com or anything’ mean? Is Match.com not a respectable site? It is at least something that I have heard of and has Dr. Phil on the commercials. Or have I got it confused with something else? How do you know which is the “respectable” site?
And can you tell us where you might be moving to? I know that you don’t want to move back in with your parents for any reason, but moving to say Houston maybe has potential, while moving to say Corsicana maybe doesn’t.
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts
11 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Slut: I’d rather not divulge any additional information. This is hard enough as it is.
I don’t find match.com to be respectable anymore, just like Eharmony. There are too many people on there just looking for sex, or not really that interesting. It has become a low-end dating tool, just like Eharmony became some time ago.
I am going to live in a fucking town that has 3000 people in it. Regardless of my global search now.
12 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 2:45 pm
And slut, I would really appreciate it if you would back the fuck off with the tone.
13 laughingattheslut // Mar 26, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Tone?
Anyway, I heard maybe two weeks ago on the news that a lady cashed some really large checks for some guy she met on the Internet. She was going to marry the guy and everything. And then two weeks later the checks bounced and now she owes all that money to the bank.
I’m glad all you lost was the time you put into this. I wish you weren’t taking it so hard. I wish you could find someway that he couldn’t do this to anyone else. In any case, find somebody to talk to about it.
And that’s a shame if Eharmony is just a bunch of people looking for sex. Seems like when I looked at it you could check a box saying your didn’t have premarital sex.
Maybe is the small town a reasonable distance from someplace like Houston, and you might still end up finding a good job?
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts
14 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Well, considering I live in Dallas, jobs shouldn’t be a problem. My search not only includes all major cities in Texas, but nationwide and Europe. Three months, nothing.
No, it wasn’t a check cashing scheme.
The town that I am going to live in has the second oldest population in the US. It’s basically hell.
15 laughingattheslut // Mar 26, 2008 at 3:52 pm
So it’s a done deal now? You are moving?
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts
16 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Unless i get a job by the end of next week, yes.
17 Tug // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Wow…I live in Hell, CO. If I thought there were any jobs here, I’d invite you up here - this town SUCKS for making friends; I could use a friendly face.
Tug’s last blog post..Wouldn’t it be FUN?
18 laughingattheslut // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Hell is in Colorado?
I guess Hell does freeze over.
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts
19 laughingattheslut // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Hey, wait. Your parents have separated, right? You’re moving in with your dad and not your mom, right?
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts
20 Absurdist // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:42 pm
My parents have been divorced since I was 12. I am moving in with my father.
My mother does not have time for me to be in her life. Her words, not mine.
21 Tug // Mar 26, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Yes, Hell DOES indeed freeze over.
Tug’s last blog post..Wouldn’t it be FUN?
22 Winter // Mar 29, 2008 at 12:26 am
You know… there were a couple of remarks you made about Mr. X that totally reminded me of a guy my friend was gaga for from eHarmony. This was like a year ago. Guy with a dishy pic. British accent. Lots of phone calls. A nice prezzie sent to her office. He tried the money thing on her too… and something about him being on a trip to Africa… she doesn’t con easy either so when the writing was apparent on the wall that was that. It almost makes me wonder if it’s the same guy, which of course is dumb of me cause I’m sure there are hundreds of these cons.
I ended up introducing Jen to a friend of mine (male) from the horse racing online game I’ve played for 5 years. She and Greg seem to have hit it off. He’s flown from MN to IN to see her twice now. Maybe I need to start setting up all those poor lonely single men from the sim…
I’ve done the sorta online dating thing before. Started in 94. I actually met Rott at a chatroom and talked to him for 6 months while I was dating a local hot surfer boy I met at another site. Then I met Rott face to face and we clicked much better than I did with hot surfer boy. Online can be done, but I didn’t bother with match.com (like my boss and the pres of my company) or those things so much. Ok, I did go to adultfriendfinder where I met the hot surfer dude. At any rate, it’s all luck and persistence. And considering where Rott is right now, some people wouldn’t think I’m lucky.
You want a horse racing gamer… just say the word and I will find you one!
Winter’s last blog post..Yes! I Am A Lagger!
23 Absurdist // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:22 am
Winter, totally set me up. I am never doing online dating again!
Yeah, you got it. That’s pretty much it. You would be shocked at how elaborate the stories are, the actual “proof” that they can come up with, even references. It’s amazing.
They do it as Australians and Brits. I can tell you that one thing to watch out for is a brit accent that is barely understandable. That’s not a dialect issue; I thought it was, but I believe I am dead wrong now.
The sad thing is that they purport to live in your hometown. It’s not like I thought the guy lived overseas and I was going to fall happily in love with someone overseas. There was sufficient proof that he actually lived in my hometown.
i cannot impress upon you guys enough the back stories. God, it’s amazing. I am actually in awe of their organization and abilities. They really are pros; they know what they are doing. The precision with which they execute is amazing. They are extremely patient too. Some women have been developing relationships with these guys for almost a year. Now, if I went more than two months without meeting some guy I was talking to online, I would be out of there.
I did give him a little bit of money, but not a lot. But I can see how easily women can fall for this. Especially when it’s not a check cashing scheme. I mean, duh, that’s totally obvious. But they are going for a totally different sort of woman now. With such elaborate and believable stories, I am not feeling so ashamed anymore.
I will tell you that I have been having fun fucking with him over the last few days. He still talks to me, so I take advantage of it to fuck with him. I figure I ought to get something out of the little amount of money I did send him.
24 Absurdist // Mar 29, 2008 at 5:24 am
Oh yeah, and he did threaten me bodily harm and threaten me that he knows everything about me and all of my contact information.
It was a medium-type death threat; mostly bodily harm…
25 laughingattheslut // Mar 29, 2008 at 8:39 am
See, this is what I need, a woman with years of experience of dating online to share her wisdom. It would be good if you wrote funny stories, but seriously, if there are particular sites that seem to have problems it would be nice of you to warn people.
And I am not the expert on f***ing, so I really don’t know how one goes about having a fun f*** with an a**hole you’ve never even met in person. I would like to hear more about that.
And how seriously do you take these threats?
And if you are going to be moving next week anyway, can you totally throw caution to the wind and really teach the a**hole a lesson?
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Come on man. You know you want to say something!