Respect:
“Deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment.”
Listen up you muthafuckas. I deserve respect. I demand it. I hereby declare that the benevolent dictatorship of the Absurdist has been recognized, and will not be challenged under any authority.
Let me explain why.
From time to time, I get an email from a reader. Unlike Dave II, my emails are always reverent to my uncontestable humor, ability to benevolently make you feel better about your self due to my psychosis, and sometimes confuse the hell out of you. You should be grateful for and to me. Respect me. For I am now your dictator.
A wonderful reader sent me an email last night. Let me share some of her thoughts regarding my blog:
“I just want you to know that your blog had me totally laughing and so entertained, that I had to pause “The Good Shepherd” to finish reading your “100 things”. I’m still laughing…”
You see the kind of respect I deserve? She understand this. She closes her email to me with the following:
“You made me laugh when you said that your mom enjoys most people’s company. (I love people, but find that it’s hard to find the ones that you just “click” with and have an instant understanding).”
Now, this is a reader who understands how to shove sunshine up my ass so that I will potentially provide her with gifts, and bring her fame and fortune by mentioning her on my blog.
So listen up. Pay attention. Bow down and revere me. Fail to comply at your own peril.
20 responses so far ↓
1 L // Mar 24, 2008 at 6:10 am
I have an overwhelming urge to bow down…
which has me feeling a little naughty oh dictator sorry I miss-heard
uh huh is this that dream again oh…
No Avitable is no where to be seen
;)
L’s last blog post..I know I haven’t posted in too long
2 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 6:35 am
A newbie! I LOVE NEWBIES!!!! THANK YOU FOR READING!!!
Oh, Avi will be all over my ass on this one, but as I see it, there is room for one of each gender!
And thank you for bowing down. You can also take liberties should you so choose.
3 L // Mar 24, 2008 at 6:48 am
Im not really a noob Avitable sent me over ages ago I’ve just been lurking for too long and your latest post outed me !
he he
An for the record I’m also a he I think???
Although I could be a she in a he’s body, who knows? oh for gods sake where did I put those tablets……
L’s last blog post..I know I haven’t posted in too long
4 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 6:59 am
Ah, I gotcha. Please feel free to share anytime. I need the comment numbers. LOL
I like men. Men are awesome. Unless they are married. Then I get pissed that yet another good one is unavailable. Or gay.
5 Robin // Mar 24, 2008 at 7:01 am
I will obey and I will respect. I may also mock but that is out of respect I promise.
Robin’s last blog post..My 10 Commandments
6 Kyra // Mar 24, 2008 at 8:42 am
You get nice emailers. Sheesh. Either my nice emailers can’t find the send key, or they’re just a figment of my imagination. ;) Funny that I am bitching about the opposite thing today.
Kyra’s last blog post..Trolling the Flip -Side
7 Matt-Man // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:05 am
That’s Nice…Cheers!!
Matt-Man’s last blog post..Half Nekkid Thursday: Holy Thursday Matt-Man!!
8 Hilly // Mar 24, 2008 at 11:54 am
But I’ve been doing that for like…ever!
Hilly’s last blog post..Heroes, Heroines and Humble Hilly….
9 whall // Mar 24, 2008 at 12:39 pm
So this would be different than what I normally do… how?
whall’s last blog post..Stuff you don’t want to MISC, #39
10 Mr. Fabulous // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I respect the hell out of you.
Now take your pants off.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Cleavage Revealed!
11 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Robin:
You know I love it when you mock me.
Kyra II:
How do you know I didn’t send it to myself? ;-)
Matt:
um, where’s my worshipping?
Hilly:
And I love you for it and reciprocate.
Whall:
Damn straight!
Fab:
No, I just told Mr. X to go fuck himself. I am not taking my pants down and getting fucked up the ass for quite awhile, thank you very much.
12 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:26 pm
And wayne, why haven’t you fixed my gravatar shit yet?
13 Mr. Fabulous // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Who said anything about the ass?
Okay. Take off your top.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Cleavage Revealed!
14 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Man, the next time I get laid will probably be in the next decade, and my boobs will have dropped another six inches.
15 Mr. Fabulous // Mar 24, 2008 at 1:39 pm
That’s the spirit! Only two more years till the next decade!
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Cleavage Revealed!
16 Dave2 // Mar 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I charge for my respect. So, if you want to PayPal $13.50 to me, I’ll gladly send some your way. Some might think this makes me a total whore, but it just makes economical sense, dammit!
17 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Fab: Yeah, and by then, I should be disease free.
Dave 2: Dude, if you are a whore, you are a cheap whore. I woulda paid a good $50 for your respect.
18 Absurdist // Mar 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Oh and hey, Dave, Happy Birthday, Mr. President, Happy birthday to you.
**runs finger down middle of breasts to stomach**
19 Karl // Mar 24, 2008 at 11:24 pm
My dick could cut diamonds right now. Are you wearing leather?
Karl’s last blog post..100 Things About Karl, Part One
20 Absurdist // Mar 25, 2008 at 5:49 am
Karl:
No, but I would just for you. but those diamonds would cut right through leather that quick. I am not much into BDSM. Maybe some donkey sex, but definitely nothing with a safety word; unless it’s fantasy reluctance/non-consent sex.
Plus, do I get to keep the diamonds afterward?
Come on man. You know you want to say something!