Today was the day. My father got his new Palm Centro with the fucking tiny-ass little buttons and more menu options than a Cheesecake Factory menu.
There were many things that needed to be done; ringtone, adding names and numbers, figuring out how to make a call, etc. Oh, and learning how to send a text message. My father is now enamored with text messaging.
Now, my father is not cell-phone inept. He has used Palm and Blackberry for a number of years. He’s a lawyer. He needs the stuff that BB and Palm have to offer. Most recently, he used a Blackberry, so finding things on the Palm was a bit different.
Of course, the ten page user guide that came with the Palm Centro did not prove to be much use. It didn’t even have an explanation of how to set up a standard ringtone. So off to the rescue I come, attempting to assist in the “setup”. After perusing the AT&T wireless site, I find what we are looking for. Goody. Ringtones set. Dad happy. Life is good.
Phase I: Set up voice mail password
The next step is to set up voice mail. I am in the office; dad is in his ham radio area. I have no idea that “voice-mail-gate” was about to ensue. From over CNN Headline news and my playing online, I hear yelling coming from the other room. My first inclination is to ignore it and see if it stops. Usually, that works. However, after two minutes of yelling, I decide to go into the other room to see what was the matter.
I find my father yelling at the cell phone. After attempting to figure out what the problem was, I realize he is trying to set up voice mail. At this point, we are just trying to set up the password. The “helpful” automated woman on the other side of the phone was being a complete bitch while he was trying to enter a four digit password and press pound. She was not happy that it was taking so long to enter the four digits. After watching Dad do the same thing several times, I take the phone away from him and take it to the office, where we have a better signal. We are, after all, in a very small town where people go to die.
The automated bitch apparently has some personal issues. She was not programmed to be patient at all. Even for the fastest of us (like myself) when it comes to cell phones. After trying twice, I finally got the password in.
Phase II: Record Name
This was fun. The automated bitch liked the recording of my dad’s name, but she apparently did not like us pressing the pound key AT ALL. She indicated that it was an invalid entry. Typical. Just like a woman. So we decide to chuck it and just set it to use his number for his voice mail. Then, we go back in to voice mail as if we were checking messages for the first time. This time, we go to personal greetings, and set up his voice mail with his name; no problem.
Fucking bitch. Never can satisfy an automated woman. Let this be a lesson to you men who want a robotic woman to “do whatever you tell them to do”. They are only as good as you program them.
So now, we finally have the phone set up the way it needs to be set up. The only thing left to do is to sync the contacts with a program that is proprietary for lawyers. I can’t wait for that. That will probably end up with both of us in the hospital.
I have decided that, in two years, it is going to be time to invest in a Jitterbug. In fact, with all the baby boomers retiring soon, I recommend purchasing stock in the company if you can.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Jim // Jul 4, 2008 at 9:11 am
What she did not tell you, and what was so frustrating, is that the entry of the required information from the Centro keyboard is very slow (for an old man) because the keys do not activate when pushed but only when released and the auto-bitch is programmed for time normally used by fast texting youngsters: not slow texting old farts. Old farts have no business buying smartphones. My next phone will be a Jitterbug. Her Dad.
2 Winter // Jul 4, 2008 at 10:11 am
My next phone is going to be a smart phone. I hadn’t wanted to go that route but I find that in the past few months I’m using my phone more and more for things other than phone calls. I have about 18 months left on this contract, and while I’m happy with my carrier, I don’t want to pay full price for a Blackberry so I’ll be waiting for awhile before looking at getting something new. I have one of the smallest phones on the market (a Samsung Stripe) and I’ve found that any sort of a fingernail is hell on the keys. I don’t understand why they make the keys humped over. Your fingernails slide off them before you can push! And I’m not talking about a long nail either. Just a normal short mani nail. Sheesh. These phone makers need to get a clue.
Winters last blog post..Freedom
3 laughingattheslut // Jul 4, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Fighting with auto-bitch! YES!
That’s even better than NOT having drowned in the bathtub.
I think that most of this cell phone business is nonsense. Doctors and people like that probably should have them, and the rest of us should just get something that calls AAA and/or 911 in an emergency and forget the rest of it. I have a very simple emergency phone, and there’s still too much crap on it for my liking. And that reminds me that I have to go buy another card for it next week.
laughingatthesluts last blog post..The Star Trek Experience in Vegas is closing
4 Nat // Jul 4, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I nearly had a stroke trying to get a person on the phone for technical support. “Emily” Bell Canada’s automated “customer service” attendant… obvious has been programmed not to acknowledge “SPEAK TO A HUMAN BEING NOW” …. insert C-word here.
Gah!
Nats last blog post..Don’t wait up for me…
5 dmarks // Jul 5, 2008 at 11:34 am
Unlike many phones, the Jitterbug has the touch tone buttons in the right place
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6 whall // Jul 5, 2008 at 12:24 pm
My wife can’t stand how complicated her cell phone is. She just wants an easy contact list and the buttons required to make a call.
To me, my cell (blackberry) isn’t complicated enough. Give me more gadgets! I want a phone like the terrorist guy in the movie Vantage Point. I want more voice recognition. More automation. Faster connection. An intelligent assistant. A virtual holographic interface. True unified messaging. And a back scratch.
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7 dmarks // Jul 5, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Blackberries aren’t as bad because they have a full (albeit tiny) keyboard.
dmarkss last blog post.."Salmonella signs point to peppers"
8 Absurdist // Jul 6, 2008 at 7:30 am
Dad: Yup, but frankly, that drove me nuts too. I hate getting used to a new phone and figuring out where everything is.
Winter: Don’t get a Centro then, because the keys are REALLY REALLY small. My BB is fine for the keyboard size, but I am not happy with BB. Never have been, but that’s a different story.
Slut, you are such an old fart.
Wayne, as I always say, you are wrong. Just wrong and broken. But it’s my job to crush your spirit.
Dmarks: Yeah, BB has given me what I needed till I started to get into the multimedia experience. I am pissed though, because the new Iphone that’s coming out will work with MS Exchange, but does not indicate that it will work directly with Outlook for contact retrieval, so I don’t think it will. I could get my email off an exchange server, but I wouldn’t be able to sync my contacts from my personal outlook. Pisses me off.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!