For those of you who read the post that will not be named, you may be aware that I received an email regarding some girl with bipolar disorder. The premise of this email has to do with the fact that I offered up airline miles for a particular fund raising endeavor.
The purpose of this post is not only to flame the person that sent the email; but also to educate people who seem to be completely in the dark about the appropriate way to talk about bipolar disorder and to educate them on their complete lack of understanding.
So, here’s how it went:
1. Me: Post comment about offering up airline miles.
2. Receive email from fund raising coordinator to discuss the same.
3. Me: write back to talk about it.
4. Receive email indicating that the goal of the fund raising campaign has been taken care of, but thanks for offering.
5. Me: send email to coordinator indicating that if there is anything else I can do, please let me know.
6. Receive email complaining about bipolar girl having trouble with her disorder has not provided any information about offering up airline miles, and that I may need to be the backup.
Okay, just for the fact that I was told that all had been taken care of, I was confused as to why I became a backup, but I was fine with it. I thought it was odd and coincidental that another bipolar who was having trouble with her disorder like me had offered up airline miles too, but I dismissed it.
On said post that will not be named, I mentioned this email and how it partially hurt my feelings. I received an email from fund raiser apologizing. No harm no foul.
I subsequently realized that the email was actually about me, probably not intended to be sent to me. I was the flaky bipolar chick that had apparently not provided enough information to the fund raiser, which is complete bullshit. On top of that, what the fuck does my bipolar disorder have to do with that?
Even though I was “anonymous” in the email, who the fuck does she think she is talking to ANYONE about my bipolar disorder and blaming what she considered my flakiness on it? That’s just wrong and rude. Not only that, but it shows small -mindedness about psychological and mental disorders.
I believe in the best of people. I would imagine this was written out of ignorance. It didn’t hurt my feelings at all that she inadvertently talked to me about me. I am a tough chick. What really pissed me off was the fact that she would even mention that the person offering up airline miles is bipolar and that was the cause of the “failure” on the part of my offering up the miles. She didn’t even bother to convey to me that she was confused regarding how things work with respect to airline miles. We hadn’t even gotten that far.
To boot, since I posted on a particular blog entry that I would be willing to offer up miles, everyone knows “who done it”. Everyone knows I am bipolar, so that’s fine. But let’s pretend for a moment that she complained to other people and blamed it on my bipolar disorder. What kind of attitude and information is she conveying to others that may not be well-versed in bipolar disorder? That’s what really pisses me off.
So, that’s what happened. When I called her out on it, she wrote me and told me that she had no idea who wrote me that email, but it was wrong of them. Excuse me. YOU wrote that email. I even forwarded it to you. Duh. Then I received a response indicating that “Yes, she was talking about me TO me in the third person.” No apology.
Is this person on crack? WTF? Who does this on purpose?
So, let’s all be clear about bipolar disorder. Don’t go blaming little fucking things on someone’s disorder. If you have any questions or concerns about that person’s behavior, don’t ASSUME shit; go to that person and discuss it. Don’t go talking to other people about it and spread incorrect information regarding bipolar disorder. Those with whom you are talking may not understand and think you are a definitive resource on the subject. It’s petty, bitchy and inappropriate.
Don’t go sending third person emails to the person that you are talking about. Spread the rumors elsewhere, even if they are incorrect. And don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth. At least take the time to TALK to the person to clear up the confusion.
If you really want to know about bipolar disorder, just fucking ask me. I will tell you all you need to know. But don’t go fucking talking to others as if you are a definitive resource on the subject. Shame on you.
22 responses so far ↓
1 DutchBitch // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:14 am
OH MYYYY FUCKING GOODDD!!! That is jus SO wrong on every level! I can’t believe it! Sheesh!!!
I am speechless (and me being speechless is saying a lot… lemmetellya…)
I am sorry that happened to you.
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Dutch-A-Pimpin?: Confessions of a Coal Miners Granddaughter
2 Absurdist // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:40 am
Okay, it took an act of congress to explain to the fundraiser that it was ME that was the bipolar that she had written to ABOUT ME. I didn’t think it was all that difficult to discern, but whatever.
The final response I received did not include an apology for making the mistake. Here’s what I received (note no gratitude for offering up the miles):
From the Fundraiser:
“oh. And I’m supposed to know that how? WTF? Do you think I have some magic ability to know people’s names? And if you’re going to say you told me, I have written, received and dealt with HUNDREDS of people and I can’t tell you off the top who has what blog.
Did you know my name before this? No? Why would I know yours.
As you can plainly see, you are convinced I was screwing with you when in fact, I had no idea who you were.
Sorry about that.”
3 DutchBitch // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:44 am
Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Whether she could remember your name, whether she could’ve known she was actually talking TO you ABOUT you, whether she is dealing with hundreds of people…
What matters is that in any event she made a comment that she shouldn’t have made. No matter WHO she thought she was emailing to. As the comment was an unjust and hurtful statement, not to mention very ignorant.
And to me… it has nothing to do with all the stuff she rants about in her last reaction to you… It’s just ignorant and hurtful and wrong.
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Dutch-A-Pimpin?: Confessions of a Coal Miners Granddaughter
4 laughingattheslut // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:45 am
But doesn’t your email address have the same name as your blog? Even if she doesn’t know your real name, doesn’t an email from someone called absurdist probably come from the same person who writes the blog called absurdist?
Are you still going to give her the airline miles?
laughingattheslut’s last blog post..And today sucks too
5 Kyra (savy) // Apr 5, 2008 at 9:54 am
She was out of line, plain and simple. The originating message should have read something to the effect of “I’m concerned about the airmiles situation, I may need you as a back up” to whomever it was intended for. The comment upon a personal issue of another person is entirely unprofessional, and deliberately bitchy. Frankly, it creates a disrespectful attitude about the whole fundraising endeavor to operate in that fashion.
Oh, and my brother is bi-polar (since he was a child.) He’s a total pain in the ass, but I’m pretty sure that’s 100% HIM, and nothing but.
Kyra (savy)’s last blog post..Showdown
6 Hilly // Apr 5, 2008 at 10:02 am
This literally makes me sick to my stomach.
Hilly’s last blog post..All I Am Saying Is……
7 Absurdist // Apr 5, 2008 at 11:19 am
She sent me another email telling me that my bipolar disorder has everything to do with this situation and that my disorder is the cause of it.
8 Shiny // Apr 5, 2008 at 11:21 am
It’s so weird and so pathetic. All of this stems from one common, wonderful goal: to show our love to a friend of ours going through a very painful time. I think it’s wonderful that so many people want to help out.
But it’s all become such a dramatic mess because of personality conflicts, bruised egos and (from what other people have expressed) poor management. I’m still new to the community at large, so I don’t know the full story as to what’s going on. But what I’ve read shows me that, regarding something where people should be acting with civility towards one another, that’s simply not the case.
if I were organizing such a campaign, I’d probably get overwhelmed and possibly pissed-off at the amount of work to manage, the potential for criticism from a bunch of people in cyberspace, and the possibility of having to say “no” to some of them. But I certainly wouldn’t lash out at someone in such a defensive manner as what you provided as the response to your email.
I, for one, think it’s wonderful that you offered to donate up your frequent flyer miles. Kudos to you for that.
Shiny’s last blog post..Freewrite Friday - Vol. IV
9 DutchBitch // Apr 5, 2008 at 11:21 am
I am with Hilly: sickening… Ya know what? She is not worth your time and energy. Delete any emails without reading them…
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Dutch-A-Pimpin?: Confessions of a Coal Miners Granddaughter
10 Absurdist // Apr 5, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Y’all, I really appreciate your support. There are still people out there who have prejudices about mental illness, but to be honest, I haven’t come across a single one in my entire lifetime.
I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later, I am just shocked, I guess, that it’s still out there with all the press on bipolar disorder.
It’s a good learning experience for me. I have been attacked on all fronts except my disorder; this is a good experience for me to have so that now I at least have that one under my belt.
Just so you know, I did not respond to the email attacking my bipolar disorder as the cause of all of her confusion. I just got tired of it.
I did tell her she is the weirdest person that I have come across in a very long time, though.
11 TSM // Apr 5, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Don’t you just hate when you spend all this time putting together a perfectly nasty email about someone (to, of course, send to all your friends), and because you’ve been sitting there thinking and stewing over that person, you go to type in the email address and type in their email address instead? Yeah. Me too.
Some people are such asshats.
12 Absurdist // Apr 5, 2008 at 12:46 pm
TSM_Oregon:
What’s really sad is that it wasn’t a mistake. For the life of me, I could not get her to understand that I was not “a friend” of the bipolar individual, but that I WAS the bipolar individual.
Which just means that, since she thought I was some random person, she felt comfortable sharing that information about some anonymous bipolar person. I would never do that, but maybe I am just more sensitive than others.
13 Robin // Apr 5, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Some people are clueless with no tact. It’s ironic the people that talk down to others when they seem to need more help than anyone.
Robin’s last blog post..Log In
14 Tug // Apr 5, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I’m truly sorry it was handled that way Abs…you don’t deserve that.
Tug’s last blog post..What do YOU do when you’re bored?
15 jester // Apr 5, 2008 at 8:50 pm
In an effort to relieve any confusion, while I am responsible for the “post that shall not be named,” I am not the person who referred to you as a flaky bi-polar.
You know, just in case anyone is confused.
jester’s last blog post..A Call to Action
16 Mr. Fabulous // Apr 6, 2008 at 2:26 am
Sigh…it never rains, but it pours, don’t it?
I just made that up, by the way.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Tonight’s the night! Tonight’s the night!
17 Absurdist // Apr 6, 2008 at 7:01 am
Robin:
Don’t you know it? Some people cannot take responsibility for their actions.
Tug:
Thanks. I was pretty sure you were very pissed off at me. Glad to know you aren’t.
Jester:
Worry not. EVERYONE knows who the perpetrator is.
Fab:
Yes, it does, doesn’t it?
It’s not right to get blamed for my bipolar disorder. I found that to be in such poor taste. I have never been attacked for my disorder in my life. Seriously. Being a bitch? Yes. But not for my disorder. It takes a very special kind of bitch to not take responsibility for her own actions and find the next best thing to blame for her own problems.
18 Winter // Apr 6, 2008 at 9:25 am
I’m in the dark about it all. But then again… I don’t really know anyone, since I’m still so new I squeak. However, having worked for an international non-profit for 5 years, I know that NO fundraiser worth their salt would ever say anything to anyone either on the phone, by email, or letter that might be construed in a way that was not favorable to the cause. These people usually know, better than anyone else, that the least little thing misinterpreted can lose you money for your goal. So, this person was not only completely unprofessional, she was incompetent and could seriously damage the cause she was working for with that kind of behavior.
You did nothing wrong and you have every right to feel that she mistreated you in a malicious manner. Someone needs to step up to the plate and remove her from the fundraising because crap like that can make a worthwhile cause not worth your while.
Winter’s last blog post..Sunday Silence
19 Absurdist // Apr 6, 2008 at 9:32 am
Thanks Winter. I happen to agree with you.
Lisa:
I deleted your comment, not because I have any issues with you, but because your cause has nothing to do with what occurred between Donna and me. The issue has to do with her constant insults toward me, and not your cancer or issues.
20 Tug // Apr 6, 2008 at 11:02 am
Never was mad at you - with everything going on, I’m really trying to make a concious effort to not ‘lump people’ into sides, but rather keep us all as individuals…does that make sense? ;-
)
Tug’s last blog post..What do YOU do when you’re bored?
21 Tug // Apr 6, 2008 at 11:03 am
oops. Must have hit ‘enter’ & separated my smilie.
Tug’s last blog post..What do YOU do when you’re bored?
22 Absurdist // Apr 6, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I am going to say this last thing, then I am closing this fucker to comments.
1. AIRLINE MILES HAVE NO MONETARY VALUE.
2. IF THE TRIP IS ALREADY PROVIDED GRATIS, THEN USE THE MONEY YOU RECEIVED TO PAY FOR THE AIRLINE TICKETS.
3. DONNA, NEVER, EVER, EVER PLAY ME FOR A FUCKING ‘TARD AGAIN.
You are a bigoted and unhappy bitch that has no capacity to take responsibility for any of your own actions. Everyone else around you is at fault; but god forbid you behave inappropriately yourself. I find your type abhorrent, and I wouldn’t give you a fucking kidney if I were the last person on earth and both your kidneys failed.
You can go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on, and I hope to god people see you for the horrific human being that you truly are.
And YOU know exactly why I am telling you this. Others may not, but YOU do.