I have been very lucky. I have not had to travel for work for quite some time. I always fly American, because I live in DFW, and all my points are with them. This means I get to fly first class most of the time, and get treated like a human being. Plus, I get a nice divider between my seat mate and me so I don’t bother people with my fat ass. I always feel awful for that.
Unfortunately, American has been a bad, bad boy. I know that this is not all that topical, but I am wondering. I have been flying for work for years. I never knew that an inch could make a difference. I never experienced traveling all the way to the scene of the crash. Yes, I have experienced some very scary turbulence (okay, twice) where I thought there was a chance of going down, so to speak.
So, my first question is this: how in the hell did American miss that whole “exactly ONE inch” deal with respect to the cable and the tie? Did they wing it like I do when I hang pictures? Did the mechanics miss basic math in the 6th grade? Is a ruler beyond their reach? At least Mr. President took responsibility for the issue, and is giving $500 vouchers to those who were inconvenienced. That’s better than the typical $200 voucher, which will get you to nowhere but Lubbock.
My next question is, how much money did they spend on rulers to get it right this time? Will they get it right this time? Or are we going to get screwed again? I am flying American to Tequila Con. Let’s hope that they have gotten it right. Of course, with my luck, I will be on the ONE MD-80 that didn’t get it right.
I doubt the president had any issues dictating ONE inch. I suspect that the mechanics should be re-trained in remedial math and tested. If they fail then they are fired. What was accomplished by missing the mark by 1/2″? And really, does 1/2″ make all the difference in the world? I don’t recall a plane going down because a tie was at 1.5″ instead of 1″.
The FAA is REALLY pissing me off. They don’t cater to the passengers; they cater to the airlines. I have thought often about writing a book about my experiences when flying. Dave has similar stories to mine. My favorite was sitting in the seat saturated in urine. Of course, now I check my seat with my hand before I sit down again.
And this is going to piss a lot of people off, but I am a major proponent of banning bars and drinking on airplanes. I have seen it do more harm than good. If you can’t go three hours without a drink, there is something terribly wrong with you. If you can’t ban bars, at least make the glorified waitresses on the plane refrain from serving those who are already drunk. I mean, come on. I am in a tin fucking can with 250 of my favorite people. Do I REALLY have to listen to row, row, row your boat over and over? Yes, this really happened. Of course, I handled it the mature way; I told the bitches that I didn’t think the front row had heard them. After multiple flip-offs to me, the fucking male waitress said there was nothing he could do. I told him that he could have started with NOT serving them, since they were totally blasted when they got on the plane, and everyone could tell.
The other thing that should be banned is children in first class. Period. I ride first class for a particular experience. I do NOT want to hear your fucking over-privileged child screaming while I am on a plane at 5 a.m. to make a 10 a.m. meeting across the country. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Okay, that’s enough airline ranting from me. What’s your worst experience on a plane?
12 responses so far ↓
1 Mr. Fabulous // Apr 14, 2008 at 9:06 am
I don’t have any bad experiences. I’m so doped up that I’m barely ambulatory.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..So what? Big Deal.
2 Kyra (savy) // Apr 14, 2008 at 9:11 am
I’d tell you about it, but you really should read it (because it’s unbelievable): http://shapingmyway.blogspot.com/2007/07/trapped-in-new-york.html
The people with kids screaming for no reason drive me crazy. The only time my child has cried on a plane is because they were babies and had ear infections (that hurts on a plane with the pressure changes,) and even that was only for a minute or two. But a well behaved kid isn’t a problem. We actually have people come up and compliment my kids because they were well behaved, as if they thought they were going to swing from the rafters and were shocked.
Kyra (savy)’s last blog post..Recessionary Punch
3 Dave2 // Apr 14, 2008 at 10:16 am
I’ve traveled often enough and for long enough to have seen just about everything… from fist-fights to a fire. The one constant over all those years is that air travel continues to decline. Seats get smaller, legroom is less and less, service gets worse and worse… which is why I need to be drunker and drunker!
But that’s the game, air travel pretty much sucks, and there’s nothing I can really do about it.
Except accepting those first-class upgrades so the only thing I have to worry about are the dumbasses who tend to fly first class with me. Because, I tell you what, there are times I’d take a urine-soaked seat over the complete @$$holes next to me in the good seats!
4 SwanShadow // Apr 14, 2008 at 2:24 pm
My worst experience on a plane had to be that time with the snakes and Samuel L. Jackson.
Although, that flight over Macho Grande was pretty awful too.
SwanShadow’s last blog post..What’s Up With That? #62: Ain’t no party like an Uncle Sam party
5 Winter // Apr 14, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I haven’t had to fly in many years, but I used to do San Francisco to Seattle a lot. The worst trip was going back to SF once. The plane taxied all the way out to the runway and went back to gate… where we sat for about 3.5 hours while the mechanics fiddled with the lights on the wings. They wouldn’t let us off the plane and back into Sea-Tac. The only good thing was that the plane was only 1/3 full because they were picking up most of the passengers in SF for a flight to London.
Winter’s last blog post..Melancholy Marcus Monday
6 Shiny // Apr 14, 2008 at 2:38 pm
@ SwanShadow —
Over Macho Grande?
I don’t think I’ll ever be over Macho Grande.
Shiny’s last blog post..?List on the 3s:? Top 9 Guys I’d Totally Go Gay For
7 dmarks // Apr 14, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Great post. I used to fly like a fiend, so I know what you mean.
As for kids in first class, I kind of like that. I remember one flight where I was in the front of coach. There was a screaming kid in first class during boarding and flight prep. It was annoying… Finally, they pulled the heavy curtain dividing coach from first class, confining the screaming to the first class section. Made me appreciate that curtain.
I was at DFW over a year ago. I rank it high among airports, because it was so easy to get in and out of that, right after the trip, I could barely remember the part between being at the gate and being in the rental car.
This is in big contrast to horribly designed airports like Denver and LAX.
I think I chose my blog url name “in a holding pattern” because I planned to blog more about airplane flights and experiences. I’ve only done a few of those.
dmarks’s last blog post..Putting winter complaints in perspective
8 Rxvenomqueen // Apr 14, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Hey, I completely agree with you on the test thing. One fuck up on the test and you’re out. This is people’s lives we’re talking about. Sheesh.
Alright, now for my worst flight ever. I was roughly around the age of 8. I was flying from Chicago to Tennessee to spend the summer with my dad there. Well, the time came around when the stuartests began to serve meals. Peas just so happened to be on the menu, along with some other foul food that I can’t remember anymore. I just remember the peas, and here’s why.
After the woman sitting next to me was finished with her meal, she decided to order an alcholic bevy. So I’m sitting there, chillin’ and drawing on my artpad, trying to entertain myself when all of a sudden I heard this sick, wet sound of BLAWR! BLAWR! The woman had thrown up everything she ate. And there were peas everywhere. I could’ve sworn I saw some rolling around but then again, I was quick to look away. *Shudders* Man, that was one flight I’ll never forget.
As far as you siting in a seat saturated with piss…I would have seriously died! I’m a germ-a-phobe as is so to sit in someone else’s bodily fluid…oh man, I can’t even think about it it’s such a nasty thought.
9 Trukindog // Apr 14, 2008 at 6:32 pm
I haven’t been on a commercial plane in 28 years.
The last plane I was on 25 years ago was a C-130 Army transport, appropriately nick named the whistling shitcan…the whole flight sounded like we were going down.
Trukindog’s last blog post..Saturday-Bust / Sunday-Great
10 Karl // Apr 14, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Well, I’ve never sat in piss before. OK, not on a plane, anyway. I do have kids, after all.
My worst flight really involved being held over for weather. Lots of delays, reschedulings, flush, and repeat. At one point we were on the runway for 2 hours, no air conditioning, full flight. Sucked. Got home about 13 hours late. All to be followed by a 90 minute drive home from the airport. Ugh.
Karl’s last blog post..Why I Won’t Follow You on Twitter
11 Robin // Apr 15, 2008 at 7:49 am
Can children be banned from planes all together?
Robin’s last blog post..I Win
12 Absurdist // Apr 15, 2008 at 8:07 am
Hi all. I am sorry I didn’t respond yesterday. I was fascinated with lancing my booby boil.
Fab:
That’s right. You won’t fly, will you?
Kyra II:
I bow down in reverence to you. That’s why my ex-husband came up with the “Toddlerita”. You can send over a watered down margarita to anyone with a rowdy child.
Dave II:
Yeah, I know you have seen more than me. We should collaborate on the book. I wante to make it funny too. What I don’t get is why guys use the damned hot towel on their face. How gay is that?
Swanshadow:
What’s Macho Grande?
Winter:
That’s why we HAVE to support that Passenger Bill of Rights. Let’s all write our congressmen. Like that will do a lot of good.
Shiny Male:
Um, what’s macho grande?
DMarks:
Yeah, but first class is so worth it, because the likelihood of kids in first class is so small. LAX and Atlanta rate the worst on my list. DFW is great, but only because I fly American with like, seventeen terminals. I like O’hare, but I never have to hope. If I have to hop in O’hare, I will only do it during the summer.
Shiny Female:
OMG, that is sooo gross. I bet Dave II has had the vomit experience.
Truckindog:
How do you get around? My ex had to ride in one of those. I think he went deaf.
Karl:
Again, passenger bill of rights. Fucking airlines.
Robin:
I have another thing I want. Business-only flights. I would pay 20% more for just business flights.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!