Today’s 20 questions is brought to you by Folgers and Provigil.  It’s 4 fucking 30 in the a.m. and my fucking dogs decided to get my fucking ass up.  When they get up, you cannot stay down.  Period.  Fuckers.

 Anyway, on to Wednesday’s 20 Questions! 

Today, I am joined by Topncal.  If you don’t know it, Top is one of my most favorite people.  I would date him if he weren’t gay, or at least attempt to.  I would jump all over him.  I would…Well, anyway, you get the point.

Top looks exactly like the guy in this picture, except he doesn’t have a red and orange aura.   His aura is more pink, with little puffy white clouds.  And I have no idea what’s up with the lizard’s tongue rolling up and licking his ass, but, whatever floats his boat.

Author’s post-comments are always in italics.  And this author is pissed all to fuck because the formatting, even with changing the code, won’t be nice to her.

 

1. So, you are openly gay.  When did you realize that you were gay?

Realize? I think it is more accurate to say accept. I always knew I was gay, but I was raised Mormon so I hid behind the idea of the church and rationalized that I couldn’t be gay because I was Mormon. I finely came out when I was 21 years old.Chelle ate 35 donuts last night.

2. What does UMB stand for?

UMB stands for Uncle Monkey Boy, That is jesters boyfriend I could tell you the story of the name but then what would jester tell you when you ask him the question. But what you really want to know is what KittyNibbles stands for. KittlyNibbles is the name I gave my boyfriend on my blog. The name comes from a car trip we had one day where we were talking about Drag Names. And since we are both cat lovers he suggested a good drag name for someone would be Mz. Kitty Nibbles. He didn’t know what he was getting into I told him I was going to make that his new nickname. He HATES it. I think it is cute so when I needed to call him something on my blog it just seemed to fit. Chelle did get this wrong.  How in the hell can I keep up with their gay boyfriends?  God they ask a lot.

3. What is your favorite gay site?  Why?

Depends on what I want. If I am looking for gay related news then it is 365gay.com If I want to look to hookup then craigslist works just fine. If I want gay Entertainment news then Afterelton.com.Chelle thinks Top is a whore.

4. Tell me about your wardrobe.

Whatever fits.Chelle thinks that this is bullshit, because he dresses nicely and is totally cute.

5. Ferragamo or Stuart Weitzman?  Why?  

Ferragamo since stuart Weitzman only sells womans shoes.Chelle is shocked. Even if Stuart Weitzman only sells women’s shoes, SW has the sexist shoes!

6. What’s your favorite thing about UMB?  

Again I am guessing you mean KittyNibbles. One simple answer the Sex.  Chelle wonders how, after six years, he can stay with KN for six years. Superficial bastard.

7. Why are all gay guys totally hot, which really pisses us single chicks off? 

All the sex we get keeps us in tip top shape. More sex = hotter men . Bastard fuckers. I told you it’s a conspiracy.

8. What do you like most about San Francisco?  Favorite place?  

The fact that we have everyone and everything here. For instance you post an ad on San Francisco’s Craigs list that says. Looking for Gay Midget transvestite with only one arm, but no freaks. You will actually get a response. Chelle wonders if she could get a midget transvestite with one arm, since no one else wants to fuck her.

9. Tell me about your relationship with Jester.  How did you meet?  

Jester and I met on AOL about 12 or 13 years ago. He was moving from the midwest to Fairfield CA. I was moving back from Palm Springs to Fairfield. We found each other online and hit it off.   Did AOL have personals? Chelle can’t remember.

10. Pimp your work as a creative website developer. Don’t be shy. 

Well it is really simple Jester and I have an awesome blog and website design service. We have designed www.killerrants.com, www.topncal.com and most recently www.sanfranciowinecountrytours.com. I think if you watch in the coming weeks you might find that Jestertunes.com might get a new look as well.   Chelle is STILL waiting on Top and Jester to do her fucking website.

11. What is your favorite decorating style?  Are you a fabulous decorator? Will you decoratemy house?  

Yeah you are totally asking the wrong gay guy here. I have lived in my house for 4 years and I have like 2 pictures hanging up. So while my favorite decorating style is Middle eastern I dont think you will actually see it in my house anytime soon.  If you personal design style is white walls but all the latest tech toys then sure I will decorate.  Chelle wonders if KN can decorate, and that’s another reason Top stays with him.

12. Can I have a picture of your penis?  When? 

Sure you can just find my online profile.  Chelle can’t wait.  If it’s huge, like Rafa’s, she is going to be PISSED OFF.

13. Tell me why you love me. 

Because you are the president of my fan club the southern chapter.  Suck up.

14. What is your “dream date” when I come to San Fran to meet you, KittyNibbles, Jester and UMB?

Well if it is about good food then I would have to say dinner at the french laundry. I mean there is no better restaurant around. But really maybe dinner at http://www.home-sf.com/ then we can go across the street and have martinis are martunis.

Chelle wonders how much it’s going to cost her to take chelle, Top, KN, Jester and UMB to dinner there.  She was thinking McDonalds.

15. Who is your favorite fag hag, and why? 

 It seems like I have to say you right? Sorry I can’t my favorite faghag has to be my friend brandi. Just for going to the prom with me I think she deserves that title.Bitch.  NO ONE beats Chelle in fag hag status.

16. Where did you grow up?  What was it like? 

 Until I was 8 I lived in Orange County just outside of LA. You know where that stupid show the OC was filmed at. Then I moved to Fairfield CA when I lived until I graduated. Then I lived in Alaska and in Palm Springs. Now I am back where I belong in the San Francisco Bay Area. It is the best place on earth to live.  Chelle grew up in purple and pink county.   Chelle never watched the OC, but always wondered what the “OC” stood for.

17. How did you get to the San Francisco area?  

When I was 8 my parents got divorced and my mother and I moved back here to be closer to her family. 

18. Favorite cross-dresser/transexual?  Why? 

The kinsy sicks is pretty kewl. They are a beautyshop quartet here in San Francisco. http://www.kinseysicks.com/ I would suggest checking out their music. Here is a link to one of their songs I like.

http://www.kinseysicks.com/audio/dubya.mp3  Chelle listented to the song and it’s awesome. 

19. You are precious. How do you maintain your hairstyle?  Tips for me?

Wash and dry. Again I might though some leave in conditioner like once a week when I think of it. Never use any other product.  Chelle thinks that this is bullshit. However, it may not be, since Jester thinks that Top doesn’t know how to be gay.

20. What is your favorite YouTube video? Why? 

Please share the link.I guess I cant just pick on video but I can tell you about my favorite youtuber. Chelle didn’t watch this yet, but will momentarily.