UPDATE: THANK YOU TIME WARNER.  YOU FIXED MY PROBLEM.  YOU ARE MY HERO, AND IT IS TRULY MY BIRTHDAY.  :-) 

So I am watching Pushing Daisies per the recommendation of Wayne.

 And I realize, FUCKING HDTV DOES NOT HAVE CLOSED CAPTIONING.  What the FUCK is that?  I can’t watch TV without CC.

I checked other HD channels that were actually (and rarely) broadcasting in HD.  NO CC.  Checked regular channels to make sure it wasn’t my cable company.  CC WORKING FINE.

 WTF?  I am writing some major nasty ass letters to whomever is responsible for this.  I have a hearing impediment; I am not deaf, but I have to have CC.  MOTHER FUCKERS.