It appears that I am now at a point in my career where I must bite the bullet and take up golfing. I did not realize that when I took this position it would propel me to that level so quickly. Please don’t misunderstand me; I mean no conceit. Rather, I guess I never expected to have to learn how to play the game. So to speak.
So, here I am, realizing that I have to learn to play golf, since my VP of Sales takes clients out to play golf; the likes of Microsoft and AT&T. And since I am responsible for those accounts after the sale, and during subsequent sales, I have to pick up the stick and hit the ball.
Let me tell you a little bit about my athletic ability. It’s a short story. I have no ability. I can barely stand up without falling down. Sober. I tried to play golf once when I watched kids at the elite country club in Austin. All I did was take out big chunks in the grass and never hit the ball. Then, when I was in Mexico, I went to a club of sorts with my Aunt and Mom. I took a golf lesson, and, after about 45 minutes, I was able to hit the ball. Not without taking big chunks of grass along with it, but I hit the ball nonetheless.
My VP tells me that the guys he plays with aren’t very good either. I bet they can hit the damned ball though. I hear that playing golf is no longer a “boys’ club” kinda thing (no pun intended), so in order for me to “bond” with our clients, I am going to have to learn how to fucking play golf.
I don’t even know where one would go to learn how to play golf. I mean, don’t you have to belong to a country club or something? Those cost $30k a year, along with a $100k join fee. So, what do I do? I guess I should go back to Mexico to learn. Little Juan chased my balls for me, and I almost hit him in the head more than once. Isn’t that funny? I had a ball boy that chased my balls all over the practice area (whatever that is called). I tipped him well. He earned it, since I almost kept hitting him. He was all of about eight years old.
So, to recap, I now have to learn golf. I don’t know a damned thing except a low score is better, that my average bowling score would be enough to make me win the masters, that someone can have a handicap, of which I would expect to have a whole handicap, and you have to get a ball from 1/4 mile away into a tiny-ass little hole that you can ‘t see. And you have to do this 18 times in a row.
No wonder people get drunk while playing golf. Round and round we go. Wheeee!
6 responses so far ↓
1 Avitable // Nov 22, 2007 at 9:14 am
I could never do a job where golf was required. I think the whole old boys’ club idea is just perpetuated by that.
2 Poppy // Nov 22, 2007 at 7:21 pm
My friend Break Boy just took up golf because his FIL gifted it as a birthday present. He does not enjoy it as much as mini golf. Perhaps you could convince everyone that the mini version is better. :p
3 Jim // Nov 23, 2007 at 8:29 am
So you are going to try to join the crowd that shoots birdies and eagles. Good luck.
4 chelle // Nov 25, 2007 at 6:58 am
Avi: I used to be the same way. Unfortunately, I don’t have your fabulous personality. All I have are my boobs. Not even the great body that Britt has. So sleeping with men to get my way it out of the question, as they are repulsed by me. So golf it is, with low cut shirts.
Poppy: I was going to make the same suggestion to my sales guy. It’s more fun to try to shove a ball up the ass of a giant rabbit than to sit around on a golf course with no fun stuff and pretend to be stuffy.
Dad: Yeah, I am with you. Thanks. I still need some recommendations on good beginner sets of clubs.
5 Wayne // Nov 25, 2007 at 2:35 pm
I had that kind of job for a very short time. I guess technically I’m in that job now but I still find a way to not golf. I’ve golfed 5 times so far and didn’t do too badly, but I find it an expensive habit I’m without the passion to perfect.
Now billiards/pool? I have plenty of time perfecting that!
6 chelle // Nov 26, 2007 at 5:31 am
Wayne, you are such a tool.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!