*****ONE*****
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the R eply. “So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “That’s right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
*****TWO*****
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the “divider”, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, “Do you know how much this is?” I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.” She said “OK,” and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
*****THREE*****
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM “thingy.”
*****FOUR*****
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?” “Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. “No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”
*****FIVE*****
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?” “Just use copier machine paper,” the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five “blank” copies.
*****SIX*****
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer….. Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!
7 responses so far ↓
1 Poppy // Dec 5, 2007 at 9:02 am
I need to understand if these are just ripped from somewhere or if they happened to you before commenting, because I’m gullible.
2 Miss Britt // Dec 5, 2007 at 9:40 am
No way. Noooo freaking way. These have to be fake.
3 Avitable // Dec 5, 2007 at 10:48 am
I’ve read these before - they’re pretty funny.
4 Jim // Dec 5, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Didn’t I just see something on the news about a chimpanzee beating a human in an intelligence test? Maybe chimps are evolving and humans are devolving.
5 Mr. Fabulous // Dec 5, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Hmm…anyone notice that in each story it’s a female that is the dope? How misongynistic!
Or how ever it’s spelled. I’m busy. I don’t have time to look it up.
Although I guess in the time I have typed out these last few sentences I guess I could have.
Too late. I’ve committed.
6 chelle // Dec 6, 2007 at 8:00 am
Hi guys. Sorry so slow in responding. I “had” to go to lunch and dinner with clients at some of the nicest places in town yesterday, and then rehash the meetings all day long with my salesguys. Let me tell you what a chore it is to keep going out to eat at really nice restaurants with clients.
They are most likely fake. A friend sent them to me, so I am sure that they have just been making the rounds. But they did crack me up.
My dad just sent me an email last night about studies regarding the evolution of the human mind over the last couple hundred years. Apparently, we are devolving. that doesn’t surprise me, since the kid at the Valero can’t count change, and the girl at the mall can’t use the manual credit card thingy because she’s never seen one in her life. I don’t know how she functions when there is no electricity, or when technology breaks down. I think that technology has indeed taken over, since kids today would have NO idea how to function if it malfunctions.
Fab, I didn’t even think about it. I think you did spell it right, so you just lucked out.
I have nothing funny to say. How sad is that?
I told my waiter last night that if I ordered a third cape cod, to bring me cranberry that is a little watered down that had no alcohol in it, because I didn’t know how much my client was going to drink. I have now decided to do that from the getgo. I just can’t stomach (pun intended) drinking anything during the week. I usually have a couple of drinks about once every few months. Since I started this job and have had to go out with people so much, I am at about four drinks a week. That’s a LOT for me. That’s not in one sitting; usually two. But it’s four too many drinks than I can handle!
7 Wayne // Dec 7, 2007 at 8:56 am
These really are hilarious.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!