I feel a little badly completely okay saying that Orlando sucks balls. (Dude at airport says he prefers donkey balls instead of general balls). Course, he’s from the midwest, so go figure.
First of all, the humidity is so bad that I think my deoderant lasted about ten seconds. Second, all I did was sweat. And I mean, SWEAT BUCKETS. I have no clothes that are not saturated in my fabulous sweat. Many times over.
Third, this airport is the WORST airport I have been in in terms of logistics. LAX sucks because it’s old; Atlanta sucks because of information I cannot disclose or a song will be written about me, and Orlando sucks because there is no status line. It takes a hundred years wading through seventeen thousand children and their completely inept children to get through the fucking security line. Couple that with wading through the giant Tiggers, the giant bags from Disney filled with absolute shit from China, and the 20% of people in wheelchairs (I know that they do that to get through security faster), I am ready to shoot everyone in this goddamned airport.
And I swear, if I see one more goddamned Puerto Rican or Cuban, I am going to go on a racist rampage. I am SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of Puerto Ricans. For those of you who may be Puerto Rican, well, nope. Not going to apologize. Big difference between a Mexican and a Puerto Rican. The difference is an attitude of entitlement. I can speak spanish. The Mexicans will at least respond to me. Talk Spanish to a Puerto Rican, because that’s all they can speak, and they still ignore you. Fuckers. I hope they all die.
Well, that’s about all I have to say about this piece of shit hellhole. I hope that I never have to travel here on business again. I am going to take two Xanax, sit here next to my favorite 2000 people, and try not to go on a bazooka shooting rampage.
19 responses so far ↓
1 Poppy // Oct 18, 2007 at 5:23 pm
I had the worst experience at the Orlando airport when trying to fly to TX. I stood in line for over an HOUR and then when I got up to the ticket counter the woman CHEWED _ME_ OUT for standing in the wrong line when I could have been standing in (what other line, I have no flipping clue). And when I said, “how was I supposed to know that?” she said “read the signs?” (still no idea what signs she was pointing at, because all the signs said the same fucking thing). I then said, “well, I already waited (bitch) so how about we just work on getting me a ticket”.
(I deleted expletives here.)
2 Mr. Fabulous // Oct 18, 2007 at 6:06 pm
I can’t cut through the subtext. How do you really feel?
3 Amanda // Oct 18, 2007 at 9:12 pm
So, let me get this straight. You don’t like Orlando?
4 Wayne // Oct 19, 2007 at 8:44 am
Yeah, I agree with Fab. I think you’re too vague and shouldn’t hide behind innuendo.
5 chelle // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:05 am
Poppy: Fuckers. I hate traveling now. If it weren’t for the money, and the fact that I have no life, I would stay put. The signs were probably in fucking spanish, with no english signs anywhere.
Mr. Fabulous: I would reiterate just for you, but I figure you got the point.
Wayne: Ditto.
BTW, I am not a racist. I have issues with various cultures, only because they differ from mine, and sometimes they are irritating to me. There are some people, generally speaking, that I do not like to hang around. Not because of their ethnicity; because of their temperament and culture.
Puerto Rican women. Period. Across the board. Puerto Rican men are okay.
Northeastern Jews: Am not anti-semitic. Have no problem with Hasidic Jews (spelling?). It’s those fucking Northeastern Jewish women that I just want to take a bazooka to and shove it down their throat and blow the bejeezus out of them (no pun intended).
Fuck em all.
After four Xanax and two drinks on the plane, and a very nice first class staff, I felt a lot better. I like cookie time in first class. It makes things all better. But I swear to god; I will turn down a gig in Orlando any day, unless they pay me a surcharge just for putting up with the weather and the people….
UGH!
6 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:11 am
I can read Spanish! The signs were fucking invisible.
I was standing in the American Airlines line. The *one* line. There were no other lines. All people in that line were going to about 10 counters. And somehow I personally was in the wrong line. WTFFFFFF.
7 chelle // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:20 am
Dude, I checked outside. I tip them a ridiculous amount of money so that they don’t fuck with my bags. I have learned that if you give out lots of money to people, they don’t screw you over. They treat you like gold. It’s so worth it.
Yeah, invisible signs; they are everywhere. According to “them”, that secret society that no one can figure out.
I can read spanish too. Hell, probably better than English, the way people write these days… But don’t get me started on grammar and spelling!
8 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:24 am
I checked outside, too! But I needed a boarding pass.
9 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:24 am
And I tipped $6 on $4 worth of bags. Good enough.
10 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:25 am
It now fucking occurs to me that I could have gone to the fucking gate to get my fucking boarding pass.
Sigh.
11 Avitable // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:26 am
Well, Orlando loves you.
12 chelle // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:29 am
Poppy: WTF? When you check bags outside, they are supposed to give you your boarding pass. How in the hell did they miss that? I have never had that happen.
I am glad I am not the only one that hates Orlando… but I guess if I didn’t travel all the time, and I were 2 pounds and could handle the humidity and the um, other cultures, it would be an okay place to live… Not my first, second or 100th choice though.
13 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:41 am
I. am. more. annoyed. now.
Thanks.
14 Wayne // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:46 am
Because I’m one to spoil people’s pity parties, I wanted to comment that my favorite thing about first class, after the bigger seats, is the WARM TOWEL THEY BRING FOR YOUR FACE. I absolutely love that part.
15 Poppy // Oct 19, 2007 at 9:48 am
Wah, I have a comment in reserve about sucking balls if you continue to throw first class in our faces.
16 chelle // Oct 19, 2007 at 10:00 am
Wayne: This is what I don’t understand. Why do men use that damned towel on their face? You all look stupid doing that. It’s for your FRICKEN’ hands before you eat.
Poppy: Anytime you check luggage outside, you ALWAYS get your boarding pass. So know that for the future…
PS: remember, us business travelers are their bread and butter. Unfortunately, not all passengers are created equal. when you spend 50k with an airline per year, you do get special perks. I almost always fly first class. But I earned it the hard way. I didn’t do the platinum challenge; I earned all 50k of my points… Because I didn’t know about the challenge.
17 chelle // Oct 19, 2007 at 10:01 am
Wait sorry. I spend 150k with American every year. Oops.
18 chelle // Oct 21, 2007 at 5:28 am
WellHi Amanda. Sorry I forgot to approve you. I ALWAYS forget to go in there and approve comments, since I figure NO ONE wants to read my blog who is new. You are good to go from now on.
And I guess what I am saying is, “Orlando is ‘okay’.” NOT.
19 The blog of whall » Stuff you don’t want to MISC, #18 // Oct 21, 2007 at 1:33 pm
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