Quick Note:
Dad, don’t read this post. You will be totally “Ewwww’d out” and freaking out about your 35-year-old daughter. I would be all, “oh god, yuck, yuck, please kill me now” if I were reading this in reverse.
I am very excited to be a guest on Fab’s Radio Show tonight. He has graciously allowed me to select the topic of sex: who, what, when, where and how.
I thought we could start off slowly, with a glass of wine and some relaxing conversation. After that, I could touch your heart in a romantic way. Next, we can begin the foreplay of the female anatomy, starting at the top, and working our way down; slowly, gently, and with great mutual understanding.
Then, we can get a little more assertive as we move into the art of oral pleasure, getting your mind excited and hot, anticipating each morsel of wisdom that oozes out of my mouth.
After that, we can aggressively move into the exciting world of penetration, female ejaculation (squirting), and the internal and external female anatomy, finally exploding into ecstatic crescendo of knowledge that will blow your brains away.
Finally, we can finish with a sigh of relief that you finally received such a mind-expanding experience that you will never forget. Then, we will watch all the men go to sleep. Typical.
If you aren’t going to be able to listen live, and would like certain questions addressed, please leave a comment on this post and I will try my best to address it. Fab’s show is only 1 hour long. I don’t know how questions are asked in real time, but I think Fab mentioned something about chat. He’s the expert on that stuff.
Again, I am REALLY excited and honored to be a guest on his show. I feel very important that he would consider me at all to be on his show, since I don’t have a large readership… I have quality more than quantity, though, since I love every single one of you who reads my blog. Mwah, Mwah, Mwah!!
9 responses so far ↓
1 Poppy // Dec 30, 2007 at 1:44 pm
I don’t have any sex questions. I’m a sex therapist in my spare time.
2 Poppy // Dec 30, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I thought of questions if you’re willing to answer stuff about YOU rather than general questions. If not, don’t bother. K, here goes:
1. Have you ever cockblocked a friend?
2. When you’re having sex with guys what do you think about?
3. Where’s the weirdest place you ever did the sex?
4. Do you like the lights on or off?
5. Any music, TV, or sound of any sort, or complete silence?
3 chelle // Dec 30, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Hi Poppy (Fern). I will be more than happy to answer any personal questions during the show. If I don’t get enough time to answer them, I will post the answers here.
Coo?
4 Poppy // Dec 30, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Coo
~Fern
5 Mr. Fabulous // Dec 30, 2007 at 5:08 pm
T-minus 52 minutes and counting, Dr. Ruth…
6 chelle // Dec 30, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Yup. I am about to pull out the wine to get meeself ready….
7 Nina // Dec 30, 2007 at 9:15 pm
GREAT show tonight - thoroughly enjoyed it. Hour just flew by. I hope you and Fab “do it” again soon.
8 chelle // Dec 30, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Hi Guys. Thanks so much for your comments…
Nina, I think I may start doing a show, but I promise not to make it so much in so short a period of time. I am thinking one topic per show, and a little less scary for people.
To answer Poppy’s questions:
1. Have you ever cockblocked a friend?
–Only when she is begging me to make the guy go away because she is too much of a weenie to tell him to get lost.
2. When you’re having sex with guys what do you think about?
–Most times, I have trouble not thinking about going to the grocery store, the chores I need to do, or that RFP that I need to write…
3. Where’s the weirdest place you ever did the sex?
–Trunk of a car. Oh, the days when I was that flexible!
4. Do you like the lights on or off?
–When I was thin, lights on. Fat, lights off. But I am not much of a night-sex person. I prefer during the day when I am not dog-ass tired. That is probably why I have a hard time with sex; they always want to have it at night before bed, and I am exhausted. So, day-sex kinda negates the need for lights or no lights.
5. Any music, TV, or sound of any sort, or complete silence?
–I actually like to have music when I have sex, but in both of my marriages, there was no romance and no love, so no music. All of the other sex I have had has been one-nighters, or accidents, so there has been no setup. Mostly, though, it’s probably because I have never in my life had a guy wine and dine me and do a setup for a “night of passion”…
9 Wayne // Dec 31, 2007 at 10:48 am
I’ll be catching up on the show, but in the meantime I’ll go ahead and vote in favor of your own show.
Come on man. You know you want to say something!