First of all, I saw a commercial for Clearblue Easy last night. I literally almost rolled off the couch laughing. So here it is for you, in all it’s glory:

There is another one too, but I can’t find it. It’s a conception monitor that you pee on from Clearblue Easy. If it’s a fertile day for you, the digital readout shows a smiley face. That one got me more than the first one.

Sieve Brain:
My friend, called me a sieve brain yesterday. To be fair, he is correct. My brain loses data like a sieve. I have a horrible memory. I can’t tell you what happened three days ago, I can’t tell you what year, month or day I got married (either time), I can’t tell you what year or month I got divorced, I barely remember the year I was born, I can’t remember any of the 17 addresses I lived at previously (this is for the credit card fraud protection services questions when they asked me what my first MIL’s current age is!), blah blah blah. But my dear queer friend, you gotta remember that when I work on 15 client sites in a year, I am NOT going to remember whether or not I told you to turn on/off monitoring services!!! If I can’t remember what happened yesterday, what makes you think I am going to remember anything I did for you? They all blend. When you are a consultant, everyone starts to blend after awhile. Same product, same wants, needs and desires, same reporting requests; I don’t remember if you are oracle or sql server. I wish I could. I wish I could remember the minutiae, but I can’t. So my most favorite funny buddy, here’s your sign.

Travel dreams, AGAIN:
Boats. No time to pack. In and out in two days. Then, family goes to Las Vegas again. What the hell is it with Las Vegas? No time to pack. Whole family going. Get to the airport on time, but then, Mom, for some reason, had to go back and get stuff. So I went with her. She went to her parent’s old house in Syracuse (I have no idea why), and I stayed at the house and found all the things I forgot to pack; like underwear, my laptop, blah blah blah. The plane was supposed to leave at 3 p.m., and she didn’t show back up until 4:45 p.m. So I was trying to reschedule our flight, and she didn’t seem at all upset about the fact that we missed the plane. I couldn’t get her to concentrate. I could only get her to talk about all the things she had to redo at the house. It’s like she was in a fog. So as I frantically tried to reschedule, since I am an expert in it, she wouldn’t give me what I needed to reschedule our flight. I have no idea why. Then, Christie was in town, and we were running all around town looking for a Lexus dealership, because Mom had to rent a Lexus. I don’t know why. But any other rental car would not suffice. So we were in whole foods (don’t know why) and Christie was running around asking everyone for directions to a Lexus dealership, even though I knew where one was. Mom was off doing something, I have no idea, but she wouldn’t believe me when I told her where the Lexus dealership was. I tried to explain it, but she wasn’t hearing me, and wanted someone else to give her directions. Then, Christie was driving, and I told her to take a right, and I meant a left. Then we turned around, and we went to the dealership. But it was typical Dallas. Hard to get around in, buildings too big for their space, way too crowded! Mom was freaking out because it was so crowded and we were driving. Christie and I were fine. But the dream had a ton of other stuff in it; I was running around like crazy, and there was something about work and technology in there too. For some reason, my house was a complete mess from running in from travel and getting ready for the next flight. It was driving me crazy, but the more I tried to make the house look good, the worse it got.

Then, there was something again about my grandmother, and I had to take care of her and her house, even though she was dead already. Go figure. Sometimes I dream about my grandmother being around again, even though we know she is dead, and she knows she is dead. We are at her house, and we do stuff for her, or spend time with her, or whatever. Mostly, though, I spend time with her helping take care of things. I have no idea what that is about. I miss her, but I don’t feel pain over her death anymore. She was the only grandparent I was close to, but she was cold, and could be a real bitch. I did love her, but I never felt like I was good enough for any grandparent. So I am not sure why she comes back in my dreams so often. It’s not like I am trying to prove anything to her or anything. Frankly, I am not trying to prove anything to anyone in my family anymore. I got over that years ago. I don’t “miss” her in terms of everyday life, but I miss her in terms of what she taught me about life, and learning about her life. But I don’t think of her all the time; in fact, I rarely think of her. This is why it is weird that I dream about her; particularly three times in one week.

But the travel dreams are driving me crazy, because I wake up exhausted. At least the electricity didn’t go off last night, causing me to not be able to breathe through my CPAP.