100 Things About the Absurdist

1. I was born in 1972 and grew up in Austin, Texas.
2. I graduated from Westlake High School in 1990.
3. I went to Mizzou for a very short period of time (University of Missouri in Columbia) and majored in journalism.
4. When I was a child, I wanted to be a singer. I would sit outside and sing with all my spare time.
5. I have a brother almost 8 years my senior.
6. All of my grandparents are dead.
7. Neither my brother nor I have any natural children; but my step-niece might as well be my real niece since she is so awesome.
8. I have been in tech for 15 years.
9. I am tired of my career and I want to write.
10. I am heavy into meditation.
11. I am heavy into quantum mechanics.
12. I do not like jazz.
13. I have two Lhasa Apsos that I rescued from a horrible breeder.
14. I have lived in Austin, College Station, Buda, Allen and Frisco, Texas, Columbia, MO, Jax, FL, and Louisville, KY.
15. I spent two months working in San Fran in 2006.
16. I spent seven months working in LA in 2006.
17. I spent three horrific months working in Columbus, GA in 2006.
18. I am a major sci-fi geek. Don’t mess with me when BSG is on.
19. I am into Star Trek TNG, BSG, Firefly, old sci-fi movies, and Star Wars.
20. I am not religious. I practice meditation, and believe in more of a transcendental and unified field theory.
21. I read mostly technical non-fiction, because of my career.
22. I do read fiction. Mostly, it’s sci-fi or some funny book.
23. My favorite cartoonist is Berke Breathed. Next would have to be Calvin and Hobbes.
24. Personally, I am not as open about sex as I am online. I am much more insecure in the beginning in real life.
25. Even though I am a major sci-fi and technology geek, I am very much into classic clothing, lots of shoes, lots of makeup and lots of moisturizer.
26. I obsess over wrinkles.
27. I have no gray hair. Yet. The day I get a gray hair is the day the earth will stand still for me. I will just crumple up and die.
28. I have no children.
29. I have been divorced twice.
30. I am very insecure around men.
31. I have a hard time opening myself up to men after being divorced twice (not by choice).
32. I have really big boobs, skinny ankles and narrow feet.
33. The rest of me is a work in progress.
34. I wear glasses, since my eyes are too dry to wear contacts, and everyone’s blink rate reduces while working on the computer.
35. I would use Mac for everything, but what I do for a living precludes me from doing so.
36. I have a monster workstation in my office that could pull the equivalent of a dually in horsepower. I use it for development.
37. I profess to be domestically challenged, but I can actually cook and clean. I just hate to.
38. I cannot decorate for shit, but I have great taste in art.
39. My favorite artist is Monet.
40. I don’t like people in my art.
41. I don’t like art that has a red circle with a dotted blue line on it and that is all there is.
42. I actually learned grammar, and use it.
43. I can count change.
44. I am a Type A personality; very motivated and super-anal.
45. I dream of having 100 acres, cleared out in the middle, with a gorgeous house, a swimming pool and enough room and privacy to run around naked outside of my house.
46. I am a water baby. I LOVE to swim.
47. My favorite place, as of now, is San Francisco. I would live there if I could afford it.
48. I collect snow globes; particularly ornate ones that are Disney-related.
49. My house is filled with books.
50. I am usually reading about 10-15 books at any given time. It’s usually a mix of spirituality, technical journals and books, and some fiction.
51. I have spent most of the last 15 years of my life on a computer.
52. I have hobbies; I just don’t stick with ‘em. I keep thinking that I ought to be reading or learning something instead of “wasting my time” on a hobby. I am working on that.
53. I used to travel 100% of the time. The only time I didn’t know where I was was when I was at home in my own bed. I only got 40 straight hours at home on the weekend for more than 48 straight weeks.
54. I used to be more comfortable in a Marriott than at home. You get into a routine when all the rooms look alike.
55. I love to debate for the sake of learning.
56. I was raised socratically. My father was a district judge, and he taught us to think about and question everything.
57. I do not do well in a corporate environment. That’s an understatement.
58. I have a hard time tolerating mediocrity.
59. I live in the Dallas area.
60. I have moved 17 times in 19 years. Not necessarily to other cities.
61. I am not afraid to be alone; I have been alone most of my life. But I am lonely and do want to find someone with whom to share my life.
62. Online dating doesn’t work. I have been doing it since 1996, and look where I am.
63. My mother and I are polar opposites; she is a status climber, and I enjoy most people’s company.
64. My great-grandfather invented the first turn signal for cars and magic shell. He was also the mayor of Columbus, OH.
65. My maternal grandfather was one of those brilliant types with no social skills. He “invented” cost-optimization engineering.
66. My other grandfather worked his way from the oil fields to the VP of Operations of North Sea Sun Oil Company. Not bad.
67. My Dad was the youngest district judge in the state of Texas in his day.
68. My mom is a Phi Beta Kappa.
69. My other great-grandfather was Mayer’s (of MGM) personal physician.
70. I have a lot to live up to, apparently.
71. I am very into animal writes advocacy.
72. I have recently gotten into watching college football; not pro; college.
73. I have only been in love once with Jason. He doesn’t mind the link. He knows it. Jason no longer wants me. But I am still in love with him since the day he broke up with me.
74. If I were financially independent, I would do the following posthaste:
    • Go to canada, europe and asia, Ireland and Scotland (Been to the UK and Paris, uhg). And Egypt.
    • Historical buff.Study their cultures like a psycholoist mixed with an anthopologist.
    • Find patterns and similarities between the peak of their cultures and the US.
    • Write about it.
    • Become a lobbyist for animal rights.
    • Go to spiritual retreats of may different types; Shaman, Hindu, Buddhism, etc.
    • I would go to Tibet for six to twelve months and meditate with the buddhists.
    • I would learn some type of Karate or something. I want to be like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
    • And hence, after writing this list, I see no reason why I can’t do any of the above, including the sabbatical (since I have nothig to do anyway, and jobs will always be here for me). So why am I not doing them?
75. Let’s see. More about the real me. I write literotica. I am an avid writer, and a sensitive one at that. I constantly search for how to make my writings better. I write non-fiction, so I am one of the lucky ones, if you know anything about non-fiction books proposals.
76. I fear working out as if it were the closest thing to death.
77. Sine I am an instant-gratification gen-x-er, I can’t even stand in line at Starbucks for two additional minutes.I drink copious amounts of caffeine, and I am trying to get off Dr. Pepper. Which means coffee in the p.m. Caffeine is evil, but I have to take it one step at a time, since DP is really my best friend.
78. I will NEVER go back to apartment living.
79. With the exception of several places in this world where you have to live in an apartment, coop or brownstone, if you are 35 with no house, or if you are 35 and do not own your own washer/dryer, AND you don’t live in one of those places where you have to, I won’t go out with you. I refuse to go out with any more men that have mini-vans duct-taped together.
80. I want to work for Google.
81. After 15 years in the industry, I have found I have A LOT to offer as a resource manager. Short-term contracts doing project management or contract work is fine; but it is a special job that would even remotely get me to go back to corporate. And if they aren’t desperate for me, I tell them to look on and come back if they can’t find what they are looking for. Even though I am without work right now, either by consultancy or by corporate employment, I am still very picky about the jobs that I take. Everyone wants a contractor, and everyone wants Americans to act like an H1 would act.
82. My dream retirement looks something like this:

83. • On the 100+ acres that I own, 1/4 will be zoned commercial, and the rest will be zoned “natural habitat”.
    • In the commercial zone will be an old town street feeling with a vet office, grooming office, pet treat and pet store, a bar and coffee shot where people can sit outside with their dogs (with heat lamps outside for comfort).
    • The other part will be a natural wildlife dog park that will be used for the agricultural exemption. There will be walking trails, fresh water ponds, full agility course, and a place for those to gather.
    • Classes will be held; obedience training, agility, etc. this is my dream retirement, since I plan to visit the world in my thirties and forties.

84. I wear really weird socks, and they rarely match. Blame the dryer for that.

84. I collect Disney movies; anyone know how to hook up my VCR? Got the DVR up and ready.

85. Every date I go on ends in “I’m just not feelin’ it.”

86. I like kids; I just don’t like YOUR kids.

87. I have a tattoo on my right ankle. Klonopin works wonders when you are getting the tattoo.

88. It’s hard being me, when I am better than everyone else. It’s a lonely place.

89. I have an office. I have used it for about 15 minutes. Everything else is done in the living room watching CNN HN over and over and over in the background.

90. Everything has a place in my house. This is why I cannot live with teenagers.

91. “Smiling’s my favorite.”

92. Wasps love me, for some reason. I detest wasps. They hurt. A lot.

93. I have a Wii, but I am too lonely to play it by myself.

94. I have friends; you just can’t see them.

95. I have named the ghost in my house “Zach”. He likes to fuck with me and throw the dog toys around at night.

96. The adverb is dead. This is my biggest frustration with the American language right now.

97. Infanticide is okay. In certain cultures.

98. My best friend is Wayne. My Best Blog Friend is Robin.

99. My aunt was in Titanic. In like, 15 scenes or something. We marked the times.

100. I can’t believe you read this whole fucking list.